Our 4-Year-Old Boy Has Really Become An Insufferable Little Monster
It's been over four years since Lionel Messi, wearing a hoodie and with his hands stuffed in his pockets, awkwardly faced a cellphone camera and uttered those now infamous words: "¡Hola David!"
I wish I'd never lived to see the day.
The video was a message congratulating David Beckham on being awarded an MLS expansion team in January of 2018. The link between Messi and Inter Miami was established and a new transfer rumor was born — and it's since grown into the most nefarious, ill-behaved little shit of a four-year-old you'll ever find.
Like the deer tick, this blood sucker emerges every spring and threatens you with symptoms of headache and fatigue. Like clockwork, we got our first "BOMBSHELL NEWS REPORT" on Tuesday — this one from the team at DIRECTV Sports. I didn't even know they had a team at DIRECTV Sports.
What do you do when you're breaking the story of the year? Give it the melodramatic El Chiringuito TV treatment, of course. This all just screams BS.
BOMBA DE @Alex_candal️ "Messi va a adquirir el 35% de las acciones de Inter de Miami y en el verano de 2023 se incorporará al equipo" pic.twitter.com/GtLbjtF0P5
— Futbol Total DIRECTV (@DTVTotal) May 16, 2022
But war, children, it's just a shot away.
Argentinian Star Lionel Messi will join Inter Miami in 2023 when his PSG contract runs out, per @Alex_candalHis reported contract includes a 35% stake in the club and will be signed this August. pic.twitter.com/s2qV0kauE4
— FOX Soccer (@FOXSoccer) May 17, 2022
It's just a shot away.
Lionel Messi will join MLS club Inter Miami in 2023 when his PSG contract ends, per @Alex_candal.Messi has reportedly agreed to acquire 35% of Inter Miami FC — a stake estimated to be worth over $200 million. pic.twitter.com/fcaMIzOQha
— Front Office Sports (@FOS) May 17, 2022
It's just a shot away.
Lionel Messi will join MLS side Inter Miami in 2023, according to DIRECTV Sports pic.twitter.com/KxZgyKybii— GOAL (@goal) May 17, 2022
The truth? Messi's agent has since denied the report, saying it "is completely false, Leo has not yet decided on his future."
Messi might play for Miami some day — he owns a condo in Miami Beach and has spoken of MLS as a future possibility — but the current rumors are just as fabricated as the 2021, 2020, 2019 and 2018 ones.