Tottenham Humbles Dortmund In Champions League But @BVB Won On Twitter

In a Champions League group with Real Madrid and Tottenham, every point matters for Borussia Dortmund. Spurs torched BVB 3-1 on Wednesday in the UCL opener, Dortmund came away with an arguably more important victory: a gif win. 

Dortmund’s defense, perhaps entranced by the club’s Twitter feed sending out dank memes like Chelsea sending players out on loan, allowed Tottenham to run at goalkeeper Roman Burki with little resistance. Burki didn’t do himself any favors letting two shots whiz right by him, but Spurs coach Mauricio Pochettino got his tactics just right to frustrate and counter everything BVB threw at them. 

Dortmund’s Christian Pulisic and Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang both had goals called back for offside calls but Tottenham sat extremely deep and hit BVB on the counter to devastating effect, eviscerating Dortmund’s high line. 

The lone bright spot was @BVB feed eviscerating @SpursOfficial, right from the opening whistle.

Dortmund’s back line was clearly distracted by the gifs and they immediately paid for it when they lost track of Son Heung-Min, who fired from an acute angle right at Burki, who let the ball fly in over his shoulder.


Dortmund regrouped and Andriy Yarmolenko, bought with Neymar money by way of Ousmane Dembele, scored a nasty long-range goal leaving no chance for Hugo Lloris. It was the Ukrainian’s first goal with Dortmund.

The match didn’t stay tied long, mainly because the BVB defenders were still trying to figure out if they wanted to check Twitter or play defense. Kane shrugged off (fouled?) a Dortmund defender, who admittedly went down easily, and fired another near-post goal past Burki.


Dortmund continued to push forward and Pulisic was inches close to finding the back of the net, just barely unable to fully reach a cross to slot into an open net. 

Pulisic, the Great American Hope, had an inconsistent night, at times getting the better of $29.7 million defender Serge Aurier, at times struggling to impact the game. He had a goal waved off for offside in the final minutes of the first half when Aubameyang, who was offside, got in Pulisic’s way as he dribbled past the Spurs defense to fire past Lloris. 

As Pulisic faded from the game in the second half, the game faded into some low-quality soccer that included this game of headis ending in a Dortmund player getting blasted in the face.

Kane added a second goal in the 60th minute after Dortmund defenders again forgot to defend him. At least this time he went far post. 

Tottenham had the match won, although Jan Vertonghen picked up a second yellow for flailing his elbow at the cherubic cheek of Mario Goetze. 


Kane’s second goal came moments after Aubameyang had a goal disallowed for an offside teammate who wasn’t involved in the play. The match ended 3-1.

What did Tottenham’s Twitter feed have going for it? Not much. But they did have Jude Law. Combined with the 3-1 victory on the pitch, I’d say it was a wash. 

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