American Teen Josh Sargent Scores On First Bundesliga Touch And America’s Gonna Be Alright

America is going to be OK after all.

Forget all the talk of a growing political divide in this country, increasing climate change or an impending cold war with China. Josh Sargent is going to make everything alright. 

Sargent, an 18-year-old native of O’Fallon, Missouri, made his Bundesliga debut with Werder Bremen on Friday against Düsseldorf. He scored moments later — on his very first touch as a professional footballer.

Sargent joined Die Werderaner last February when he turned 18 but has been playing for the youth side since January. Despite teasings from his coach, he had yet to receive a call-up to the senior team for an official match until Friday’s home game against Düsseldorf. 

The redhead started on the bench but came on for Milot Rashica in the 76th minute. 

He didn’t get a touch on the ball in the first 85 seconds of being on the pitch but in the 86th second, he headed into an empty net after an awkward bounce off Düsseldorf goalkeeper Michael Rensing. 

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The U.S. isn’t red or blue; the U.S. is ginger!

Based on our calculations, at this rate of one goal per touch, Sargent will score about a bajillion goals in his career. And the U.S. will win the next 3 World Cups. 

OK, so, yeah, the goal was pretty crap. But you can’t knock a goal with his first touch as a pro. 

And he we were looking forward to the Schalke-Dortmund derby on Saturday between Weston McKennie and Christian Pulisic. Forget those chumps — we want more Sarge. 

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