Euro 2024 Will Be Held In Germany, Where The Beer Flows Like Wine

And where beautiful footy fans instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano.

A contest between Germany and Turkey for the right to host Euro 2024 was decided today, and it’s Deutschland that will welcome 24 teams in June and July for the 17th edition of the European Championship. 

With Euro 2020 taking place across Europe, the 2022 World Cup being an abomination of human rights in Qatar and the 2026 World Cup playing out across the vast expanse of the USA, Mexico and Canada, this represents our finest chance (apart from some swell Copa Americas) to get together and have one helluva month-long rager together — in the most benevolent of spirits. 

So let’s go…

Euro 2024 Host Cities And Stadiums In Germany

We could meet at Lake Phoenix in Dortmund…

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And take in a match at the Westfalenstadion.

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Off we go to Cologne (you shouldn't have drank so much last night…you gotta pace yourself)

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Now we’re at the Müngersdorfer Stadion, and we’re having a grand time.

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Now let’s hit up Dusseldorf…

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Mercer Spiel-Arena is treating us right.

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You fell in love with a local last night, but no time for that! Let’s see Frankfurt…

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And see one game at Commerzbank-Arena.

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We got time for Gelsenkirchen too, although we're bleeding money now…

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And then Veltins-Arena.

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Damn! You almost got arrested last night, you wild child! Quickly, we must go to Hamburg.

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And Volksparkstadion.

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OK, let’s hit up Saxony and Leipzig.

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On to Red Bull Arena.

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Only a few more stops, and try not to pee in your hostel bed this time . . . next is Stuttgart.

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And Mercedes-Benz Arena.

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Second to last stop is Munich and now I peed myself too out of pure excitement…

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We might’ve overdone it at the Hofbrauhaus, but we make it to the Allianz Arena.

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And finally to Berlin. We’re broke as all hell.

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But we still got money to see the final at Berlin Olympic Stadium because we smartly saved up for six years.

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That was fun. Thanks for going to Euro 2024 with me. I love you.

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