Cristian Techera Is Your Favorite Player For The Rest Of The MLS Playoffs

Look, I don't want to talk about how short Cristian Techera is for a long time, because it really doesn't matter. If you must know, he's 5'2".

The important thing about Techera, though, is how freakishly good he is at kicking a soccer ball. The Vancouver Whitecaps, Techera's team, demolished the San Jose Earthquakes, who admittedly aren't very good, 5-0. The moment of the match belonged to Techera and Techera only.

Here’s @RamsesSandoval’s call of Cristian Techera’s free kick golazo #VANvSJ #MLSCupPlayoffs pic.twitter.com/HTCRrQllPv

— Jonathan Tannenwald (@thegoalkeeper) October 26, 2017

This goal is the reason they invented slo-mo. #VANvSJ // @Audi #MLSCupPlayoffs pic.twitter.com/dqbfExpnuc

— Major League Soccer (@MLS) October 26, 2017

Philippe Coutinho, Hakan Calhanoglu, Dmitri Payet, Willian, Miralem Pjanic, other assorted free kick specialists, eat all your hearts out because GOOD LORD LOOK AT THAT THING.

This free kick has everything: placement, pace, movement and moment. It is the playoffs after all. And Vancouver were only winning 1-0 when Techera hit it.

Uruguay, please call this man up for the World Cup.