Same Old Boring Spurs Players Humiliate Manchester United At Old Trafford

Spurs spanked United 3-0 at Old Trafford despite having the same damn players as last season.

Tottenham’s position as the target of the Meme Lords soccersplaining fury came to an end today following a stirring 3-0 victory over Manchester United at Old Trafford. The internet will now turn its collective fury at Jose Mourinho, who — surprisingly for a 55-year-old and two-time Champions League winner — seems to be genuinely affected by the treatment he’s receiving from various hacks and the Twittersphere.  

Since Mourinho’s appointment back in 2016, United’s accumulated a staggering net spend of nearly $390 million. Pochettino, meanwhile, has a net spend of just $60 million going back to his hiring in 2014. This summer, as was well documented, Spurs purchased no one (becoming the first club in summer transfer window history to make no signings). The team is just the same damn team as last year, isn't that heinous?! 

That, in fact, was supposed to be hilariously inept on behalf of the club and chairman Daniel Levy, but after opening the season with three straight wins on the bounce, commentators everywhere are wondering why other clubs didn’t follow Spurs’ model and sign Pochettino to a new five-year deal, Harry Kane to a six-year deal, Heung-Min Son to a five-year, Erik Lamela to a four-year, Davinson Sanchez to a six-year, Harry Winks to a five-year, Kyle Walker-Peters to a three-year and retain the services of rumored want-aways Toby Alderweireld, Mousa Dembele and Danny Rose.  

Hindsight is 20/20, but it’s incredible to see how Pochettino has reintegrated Alderweireld and Dembele into the side while Lucas Moura seems settled following his January transfer from PSG and an able replacement for Son while he’s away at the Asian Games. 

On the other side of things, let’s not waste any more time talking about the continued struggles of Paul Pogba, Alexis Sanchez and — well, this is a new one — center back Ander Herrera. 

To be fair to United, they looked the better side in the opening 45 minutes and should’ve taken the lead through Romelu Lukaku, but he failed to hit an empty net from a decent enough angle.  

That miss was punished five minutes after the restart when Kane got the better of Phil Jones to loop in a pinpoint header from a Kieran Trippier corner. 

After scoring in August last week following taunts of being unable to score in August, Kane now silenced critics who pointed to the fact that he’d never scored at Old Trafford. For those who doubt Kane, find strength in the fact that the big fraud has never scored on the moon in July. 

Tottenham’s second immediately followed. This time, Christian Eriksen provided the pass and Moura applied the finish.   

United brought on Sanchez (and Victor Lindelof and Marouane Fellaini) in search of an equalizer (Marcus Rashford stayed on the bench…) but the next goal again belonged to Spurs and Moura. 

Manchester City won the title last year while losing only two matches. Manchester United’s already lost twice in three games.

The win pushes Tottenham up to second on goal difference. Liverpool, Spurs, Chelsea and Watford all retain 100 percent records following match day three. 

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