Liverpool's Offense Has Evolved Into Its Final Form
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If there's one stat that sums up Liverpool's 2017-2018 season so far, it's this: Liverpool have more 7-0 wins than 1-0 wins.
One of those happened Wednesday at Anfield against Spartak Moscow in the Champions League to secure victory in Group E. Watch the highlights, and meet me after the jump, where I will have some nuanced analysis on how exactly Liverpool are able to carve teams up like this.
AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! FLY MY PRETTIES, MY UNHOLY ARMY OF THE NIGHT! FLY, FLY LIKE THE WIND, LIKE A PLAGUE OF LOCUSTS, WASH OVER THEM LIKE A TIDAL WAVE! SWARM THEM LIKE KILLER BEES! HUNT THEM LIKE A PACK OF WOLVES! BURY THEM SO DEEP UNDERGROUND THEY EVOLVE INTO MOLE PEOPLE!
DANCE PAST THEM LIKE A JACKRABBIT, PHIL! BOUND AWAT FROM THEM LIKE A GAZELLE, MOHAMED! TEAR THEM UP LIKE A TASMANIAN DEVIL, SADIO! GHOST AROUND THEM LIKE A PHANTOM, ROBERTO! POP UP WHERE THEY LEAST EXPECT IT AND DELIVER A KILLING BLOW! DESTROY THEIR MORALE, THEIR SPIRIT, AS WELL AS THEIR BODIES! NO QUARTER GIVEN! NO MERCY!
Anyway, the Reds are totally losing to Everton on Sunday because I wrote that.