Financial Fair Play Not Even The Least Bit Interested In Investigating Newcastle United

Newcastle United have not run foul of UEFA's FFP by spending about $26 million net in the summer window.

Finally, a bit of good news for Newcastle United supporters around the world. After a net spend of around $26 million in the summer transfer window (or roughly one-tenth of a Neymar if you prefer), The18 can confirm that the club have steered cleared of a dreaded investigation from UEFA over financial fair play. 

This will undoubtedly bring great joy to manager Rafa Benitez, who was promised “every last penny” by owner Mike Ashley back in May and then landed Jacob Murphy from Norwich City as the club’s marquee signing. 

Newcastle were surely toeing the line between what’s sustainable and what’s an economic outrage by signing Joselu from Stoke City for over $6 million, but the Toon likely saved face by offloading the likes of Siem de Jong, Grant Hanley and Emmanuel Riviere towards the close of the window.

As we’ll shortly see after UEFA have utterly annihilated the final vestige of what was once Paris Saint-Germain, you DO NOT want to run foul of financial fair play — it simply isn’t allowed, and the punishment is the total termination of your club as a whole.

But this won’t be an issue for Newcastle, who can now look forward to the season without a left back and no depth whatsoever at the positions of goalkeeper, striker, winger and central midfield, but safe in the knowledge that all is well in Mike Ashley's checking account.

In other news, Rafa Benitez is reportedly “open to job offers amid anger over Newcastle transfers.”

Wait, what the f**k?

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