The New xXx Movie Is Going To Be So Dope, You Guys

NEYMAR IS IN IT SO THIS COUNTS AS A SOCCER THING.

We just want everybody to know that the trailer for the new xXx movie, xXx: Return of Xander Cage, has convinced us that the movie is basically perfect in every way.

We know we're a soccer website. Relax. Neymar is in it.

It lets us know that this movie contains the three elements every cheesy Vin Diesel action flick must contain to be good: Vin Diesel growling banter at shrouded bad guys, Vin Diesel doing something with a vehicle that said vehicle is definitely not able to do in real life (a la the scene in Fast 5 when he and Paul Walker use two Dodge Chargers to pull a safe through the streets of Rio, or the scene in Fast & Furious 6 when the gang takes down a cargo plane) and Vin Diesel doing the same thing, but with things humans should be incapable of (every scene in the Fast and the Furious movies when trick camera work makes it seem like Vin Diesel is as tall as The Rock).

And Neymar is in it. So, soccer. This is a soccer website.

Vin Diesel riding a dirt bike across the water and using a wave as a jump. Vin Diesel skiing in the jungle. Samuel L. Jackson telling you why the world needs to be protected by shadowy badasses while pointing with chopsticks for emphasis. Vin Diesel getting surrounded by bad guys, talking a little smack then beating the hell out of everybody then getting away. Satellites falling from the sky (aside: space terrorists are the most terrifying form of movie terrorists). People with skills. Wild-eyed bearded people getting in car crashes. Perfect.

Did we mention Neymar is in it?

Contact The18 Staff Writer Sam Klomhaus at Klomhaus@The18.com or follow him on Twitter @SamKlomhaus

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