The Worst 12-Second Display Of Goalkeeping In The History Of The Game

According to researchers from the Georgia Institute of Technology, all mammals take an average of 12 seconds to poop. Regardless of the size of the rectum, be it an elephant’s sphincter or a cat’s, that s**t is riding a wave of mucus like “a sled sliding down a chute” and out in no time flat. Unless it’s diarrhea — that confounds all mathematical models.

But the facts of defecation are equally as applicable here. In this match between Scarborough and Fulham in 1996, the goalkeeper showed that it truly does take 12 seconds to lay a steamer.

This is the crappest 12 seconds of goalkeeping ever, from the horrifically acrobatic attempt to avoid a corner to the fumbled catch near the edge of the 18.  

A lovely example of some absolutely mental goalkeeping!#Scarborough vs. Fulham, 1996 #SAFC #FFC

( @Crap90sFootball) pic.twitter.com/OChr2AD702

— The Non-League Paper (@NonLeaguePaper) September 6, 2017

There you have it: a great video featuring some godawful goalkeeping and the knowledge that all mammals poop in 12 seconds. You will not read a more informative article this week.