What Do Footballers And Chain Restaurants Have In Common?

The haters said this concept would never work as an article. "You'll never find 10 footballers who could conceivably be compared to restaurant chains via different quirks that they have, and even if you did, Facebook's algorithm would do to that article what white American settlers did to the buffalo herds roaming the Great Plains in the 1800s. Sure, it worked with clubs but it will never work with players."

The haters, as usual, were wrong.

Footballers As Chain Restaurants

Nigel de Jong - Arby’s

You forget how dirty he is until you see him in person.

Mesut Ozil - Qdoba

Does one thing (key passes, queso) better than just about anyone else and the rest of it is just meh.

Ross Barkley - Little Caeser’s 

Cheaper than you would think and there is a reason for that.

Philippe Coutinho - Domino’s

Coutinho’s Barcelona career has been almost nothing but substitute appearances: 30 minutes or less.

Nicklas Bendtner - Denny’s

It seemed like a good idea at the time but really it wasn’t.

David De Gea - Panera Bread

Just stops everything up.

Gonzalo Higuain - Kentucky Fried Chicken

He holds everything up but when it lets go you better watch out.

Luka Modric - Dairy Queen

Always a little better than you think it’s going to be. Subtle.

Paul Pogba - Popeye’s

Wrongly derided by people who don’t understand how good he/it truly is (folks who complain that Popeye's always gets your order wrong and folks who complain that Pogba doesn't score goals), and what makes him/it so good.

Steven Gerrard - One of those A&W/Long John Silver’s combinations

It’s not clear what he’s supposed to be doing or why he’s supposed to be doing it (we never did figure out what Gerrard’s best position was, did we?), but he did it pretty well.