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Entertainment

Only Burnley Could Sign A New Striker And Immediately Cast Him As A Dinosaur In Jurassic Park

Nobody's cheering for the Public Investment Fund of Saudi Arabia. The backers of Newcastle United are the world's richest owners — their wealth, with regards to the global football market, is limitless. 

So there's been a futile-but-funny resistance to their first transfer window across Europe, where clubs are reportedly quoting between $7 million and $14 million more for their players when its Newcastle asking, while Sevilla landed Anthony Martial without paying a loan fee whereas Manchester United demanded $8 million from the Magpies for the same deal. 

There's no reason to feel sympathetic. In one January window, the PIF has already come close to matching the total outlay of Mike Ashley's 14-year reign. Newcastle has signed Brazil international Bruno Guimarães for $45 million, England international Kieran Trippier for $16 million and, in the greatest display of this all being chump change for a sovereign wealth fund with assets of at least $500 billion, 30-year-old New Zealand international Chris Wood for $33 million.

To get Wood at that price, Newcastle simply triggered his little-known release clause — little-known because no one previously thought of paying that much for Chris Wood. The striker himself said "I don't think anyone ever thought it would ever be triggered."

Without having to worry about the cost, it represented a good sporting move for Newcastle because it brought in a proven Premier League goalscorer (four straight seasons with 10+) at a time when Callum Wilson had just gone down with a serious calf injury, and it took away a vital piece of relegation-rival Burnley's entire playing style.

Sean Dyche wasn't happy about losing him, but he also knew that Burnley now had a lot of funds available if they could find "the right players." 

On transfer deadline day, Burnley revealed Wood's direct replacement. He's younger, even taller, plays for a superior national team, cost less than half of Wood's fee ($15.4 million) and has scored 16+ goals in three straight Bundesliga seasons. 

The reveal video for the 6 foot 6 inch Wout Weghorst is the best we'll see this transfer window.  

The 29-year-old has six goals in 18 appearances for a hugely disappointing Wolfsburg side that's just above the relegation zone and hasn't won since Nov. 6.

The scene at Burnley is even worse as Weghorst joins the team in 20th and without a win since Oct. 30. But the Clarets have conceded fewer goals than fourth-place Manchester United, and if Weghorst can recapture his best, then there's hope of a great escape.

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