Jose Mourinho Doesn't Care About You

Jose Mourinho's job is to win soccer games.

Actually, I'm going to walk that back. Jose Mourinho's job is to not lose soccer games, and he is extraordinarily good at it. What he is not extraordinarily good at is caring about literally anything else. For example, the feelings of anyone who may be watching one of his teams play a soccer game.

As such, readers will be shocked, SHOCKED, to learn that Manchester United travelled to Liverpool, parked the bus for 90 minutes and came away with a point. Importantly, they did not win. More importantly, they did not lose.

Jurgen Klopp's Liverpool side is capable of either winning or losing matches. Most of the time those watching don't even know which one it will be! Mourinho's Manchester United side, on the other hand, is only capable of not losing, which is what they did.

Romelu Lukaku only had like 20 touches, an insane statistic that I'm too lazy to look up exactly because I can't bear to care about a 0-0 draw for any longer than I absolutely have to. Jose Mourinho does not care how many touches Lukaku got, because it does not matter, because Manchester United did not lose. Rooting for a Jose Mourinho-coached club must be like rooting for bathroom mold. I don't know how y'all do it.

Although, maybe I do, because I support Liverpool, the other team involved, and, as mentioned before, they sometimes lose. Manchester United don't really do that. They certainly didn't on Saturday morning.