In November of 2016, months after signing a one-year contract with Manchester United, Zlatan Ibrahimovic outlined his vision of one-upping Napoleon by accomplishing what the Emperor of the French could not: "I can see myself conquering the U.S. as I have with Europe. Lots of people stay in one place throughout their career, but I’ve travelled around like Napoleon, and conquered every new country where I’ve sat foot.

As usual, every other Premier League club is playing for second in the transfer market, behind the big spenders at Manchester City. The Citizens made the signing of the January window Saturday when they picked up Mix Diskerud — a.k.a. Nordic Messi, a.k.a. Which One Is Mix Diskerud And Which One Is Brek Shea Again — from New York City FC.

Cubo Torres has officially ended his MLS odyssey and returned to Mexico. The Mexico international scored 36 goals in 97 appearances for Chivas USA ('member them?) and the Houston Dynamo. He's headed to Pumas, currently at the top of the Clausura table.

Ballou Tabla is making history as the first academy player from the Montreal Impact to make a move to Europe. The 18-year-old attacking midfielder completed a transfer to Barcelona on Thursday. He’ll join Barcelona B.

What an incredibly strange career trajectory Lassana Diarra has had. 

Just days after rediscovering his love for soccer and putting his professional career back in motion, Freddy Adu has popped up in Las Vegas. The Las Vegas Review-Journal reported that Adu is a trialist with USL expansion club the Las Vegas Lights.

Serie A returned after a short winter break and everything seemed to go according to plan. Napoli won. Juventus won. Benevento lost. Pretty much par for the course.

The writing has been on the wall for Javier Mascherano at Barcelona for some time, and now it's official: Barcelona announced Tuesday that Mascherano would be leaving the club, with a ceremony planned for Wednesday. Mascherano has been at Barcelona for seven and a half seasons and has made more than 300 appearances.

Lost in the Alexis Sanchez-Henrikh Mkhitaryan-Arsenal-Manchester United shuffle was the fact that Manchester City made the best personnel move of the day, locking up Belgian midfielder Kevin de Bruyne until at least 2023. The club announced de Bruyne's extension literally minutes after Arsenal and Manchester United dropped their big news.

GET EXCITED! @DeBruyneKev has today signed a new contract at the Club!

It feels like Arsenal and Alexis Sanchez and Manchester United and Henrikh Mkhitaryan have been dancing around each other for ages. Really, it has only been a week or two. Still. What a drain.

Well, today the dance came to an end and Arsenal and Manchester United ended up with different partners than they had when they started.

Manchester United ended up with Sanchez, a dynamic 29-year-old Chilean who has been Arsenal's best player for quite some time.