English tabloid "The Mirror" recently published an article that described what has happened since Eden Hazard last scored a Premier League goal. Hazard hasn't scored since May 3, 2015, during which time Barcelona have won five trophies and Cristiano Ronaldo has scored 42 goals. But this article isn't about Eden Hazard. It's about an Andre Schurrle hat trick. 

As the great Ronaldinho once said, football is about joy. From a very young age, we’re made well aware of this fact by the strikingly jubilant spectacle we see unfolding in front of us. The Bundesliga’s YouTube channel has effectively captured this happiness with their “Top 10 Acrobatic Goal Celebrations” of all-time.

You should not try to blackmail Bayern Munich. This was the lesson learned by a man known as the "broomstick robber" (as far as robber nicknames go, he may have drawn the short, uh, broomstick here) when he was arrested for allegedly threatening Germany's foremost football club.

OK, first the bad news: Bayer Leverkusen lost 3-1 to Mainz 05 Sunday. The good news: that one goal happened to be scored by recently-returned-from-injury striker Javier "Chicharito" Hernandez.

Hernandez now has 23 goals in all competitions for Leverkusen, and 14 in the Bundesliga.

GOAL, Leverkusen! Chicharito gets one back for the visitors, but is it too little too late? https://t.co/90ahZ6Etpj

Javier "Chicharito" Hernandez hurt his butt a while back, but he's back in action and, two games into his comeback, he's already setting up goals. 

Hernandez set up Karim Bellarabi's first goal (of two), and Bayer Leverkusen went on to beat Portuguese side Sporting CP 3-1 and advance to the Europa League round of 16.

It was an ordinary Saturday in the Bundesliga, until Borussia Dortmund striker Pierre Aubameyang showed up dressed like this:

Photo: @Squawka | Twitter

You thought Petr Cech's double save at the weekend against Bournemouth was good? Well, we may have found one that's even better. Say hello to Kaiserslautern keeper Marius Muller. In a game against FC Paderborn, Muller was called upon to make a double save. The first one was decent, pretty standard save really. But the second one... 

Today in soccer players should stick to soccer news: three youth players for German team HSV (Hannover 96, not Hamburger SV) have been suspended after botching a casino robbery asbout as badly as you can botch a casino robbery.

That's right, we said casino robbery.

It was all a disaster from the start. The would-be robbers probably thought they were going to be cool and badass like this:

Chicharito limped out of Bayer Leverkusen's DFB Pokal loss to Werder Bremen, and now we have an update.

Chicharito injury blow!@bayer04_en will be without their goal machine @CH14_ against @sv98 this weekend. pic.twitter.com/ISDG8EOpLc

Bayer Leverkusen have said that they want Javier "Chicharito" Hernandez to choose between the Copa America Centenario and the Olympics this summer. Chicharito has been absolutely on fire this season for Bayer Leverkusen, and fans of the Mexico national team are hoping he can bring that flame to their tournament hopes this summer.