Luis Boa Morte showed up on MTV Cribs sometime in the early 2000s, and it’s unclear if he’d ever really been inside his own place before. The Portuguese international had only just signed with Fulham after failing to breakthrough at Arsenal and Southampton, so it appears as though his life was in heavy transition when the MTV camera crew showed up to take a look around his unassuming flat in Surrey.
“This is my house,” says Boa Morte as he enters the front door. “This is my living room. I don’t spend much time here.”
He then stares longingly at a photograph of his son, lamenting, “I’ve got my son, who lives in Portugal. Unfortunately he can’t be here.”
This is a train wreck. Boa Morte shows us a photo of his girlfriend, Sarah. “Not much to say about her.” I really don’t think we should be here. We should leave this man alone.
Boa Morte then shows us a box of DVDs, including his prized Meet the Parents and Halloween, in a cardboard box. He goes out back, and says, “This is my back garden, and I’ve never been here before. It’s not in a great state.”
Finally, Boa Morte reveals his wardrobe, which is just a small closet with shirts, jumpers, shirts for dinner and white shoes. “No suits, only one suit,” he says.
This is all fine. He’s living reasonably and still in the process of moving. But the addition of MTV’s patented editing techniques, endless repetition of the same shots, epilepsy inducing cuts, jump cuts with insane beats and heavy metal music; the footage flops, fades in and out and all we’re looking at is Luis Boa Morte’s toaster.
Champagne wishes and caviar dreams this is not.
(H/T: FourFourTwo)
