Cristiano Ronaldo’s Airport Renaming Ceremony Was A Horror Show

Don't ever travel to the island of Madeira for an unspeakable horror awaits you.

It’s been said that hands and the likeliness of an infant are two of the most difficult undertakings in the artistic world. For hands, it is a question of naturalness — even in reality, especially during photographs, we struggle to know what to do with our cursed hands. For the infant, it is the difficulty in portraying youthful exuberance. Wander through an art gallery and you’ll find many children whose faces look no different from their elders, it is only their size that differentiates them.

It’s time we add a third category to the aforementioned list: Cristiano Ronaldo. We have had some bizarre replications of the Portuguese legend, ranging from the Madame Tussauds incredibly neck-centric Ronaldo with a comb over to the “erection” of Ronaldo at his museum in Madeira.

The latest attempt at immortalizing Ronaldo’s likeliness has taken place, once again, in Madeira, and it’s beginning to look like his hometown is not-so-subtly trolling him.

I mean, good God.

The man does have an extremely unique combination of hair, eyebrows, facial structure and Adam’s apple, but this a monster. We need to melt this bronze bust immediately and drop it in the ocean. This should not be the last thing you look at before boarding an airplane.

 

If I’m being kind, he looks like Harvey Dent in Batman after he turned into Two-Face. There’s a lot of pain in there, like Cristiano Ronaldo sold his soul in a Dorian Gray-esque pact that sees his statue suffer the effects of the passage of time while he remains ageless.

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