As any soccer fanatic knows — be it a player, a spectator or even a parent — the game is more than just a game, it’s a lifestyle.
My lifestyle started when I was five, but I can’t say that I myself initiated it. Like any other terrible toddler, my parents put me in an array of sports, hoping one would stick and get me out of their hair.
Soccer just so happened to be the answer. The best sport in the world chose me, and I chose it.
Over the course of 16 years I have dedicated my life to the beautiful game. Early morning practices, countless injuries and terrible tan lines are my second language.
But injuries heal, tans fade (or so I’ve heard) and alarm clocks forget what 4:00 a.m. looks like.
My soccer lifestyle is coming to an end this fall with the approach of my senior collegiate season. I can’t escape the inevitable, but I wish I was able to prolong it. With the current COVID-19 pandemic raging on, my career is uncertain and might end sooner than expected.
I’ll admit, when the world first fell apart I was grateful for a break. I remember feeling relief — finally I had a chance to catch my breath. I remember lounging in my room, taking advantage of having nothing to do. I woke up late, ate what I wanted and worked out sporadically (sorry, coach).
But as the days have turned to weeks and the weeks to months, I’ve grown antsy. I find that I miss the unbearable soreness from conditioning. I miss the heat of the turf scalding my feet. Most importantly, I miss the thrill of game time and the surge of adrenaline coursing through me as I dribbled up the pitch.
All of these things I took for granted, and I wonder if that brief moment of relief was worth it. I’d do anything for a turf burn right now.
I hoped for a small break, just enough to reignite the fire, but what kind of soccer lover needs to step away from the game? Maybe I’m an imposter, maybe I never truly loved the game.
Even now I toggle back and forth between needing and not needing to go back. Some days I think, if I had to, I’d be glad to end my journey with junior year.
Some days, more often than not, I hope for the chance to prove I have more in me. I want to end this lifestyle on my own terms.
But, with the August 2020 preseason dates looming, the decision is not really mine to make, especially with COVID-19 still around. I might have to learn some new tricks. Who knows, maybe I’ll try writing.
I’ve got my fingers crossed, hoping I get to play my senior season and end the journey right. I don’t think I’m ready to say goodbye just yet.
If I do have to say goodbye. What a crazy journey it’s been.
