John Cleese And His Big Furry Hat Demand France Give England Its World Cup Trophy

Maybe you’ve heard, but France won the 2018 World Cup. Les Bleus were pretty impressive in Russia, succeeding where Napoleon had failed 200 years earlier. But John Cleese and his big furry hat don’t want France to keep the World Cup trophy.

Cleese, the famed Monty Python co-founder and comedian, donned a big furry hat for what is a recurring segment on CBS’s version of the Colbert Report. The Big Furry Hat segment typically has Colbert wear an obscenely large bonnet while making proclamations that, according to the power of the hat, must be obeyed as law. 

With Cleese wearing such a hat, he demanded France give England its World Cup trophy. The line comes at about 3:40 in the above video if you’re too lazy to wait around for it. The commandment is as follows:

“France shall immediately give the World Cup trophy to England, or else we should give them back to Germany,” the John Cleese hat demanded. 

Should England be awarded the World Cup trophy for having helped the French defeat the Germans (with added help from the Americans and Canadians and Indians and Russians and almost everyone else in the world) in World War II? If so, maybe France should give back its 1998 World Cup trophy to England too.

However, by this logic, England and France should both give their World Cup trophies to the United States, because without the help of the Americans, it would have been difficult for both Allied Powers to fight off the Germans. 

So, congratulations, the U.S. now has three World Cup trophies according to John Cleese’s big furry hat. USA! USA! USA!

Oh, and for the record, the famed John Cleese hat had previously suggested American football be henceforth called “big leather egg fight.” Now that’s a proclamation we can all get behind.