Wayne Rooney Has Discovered His After-Football Career

Given his waning (sorry!) skill-set on the pitch, it's time to think about what's next for Wayne Rooney, and we have the answer.

If there was any speculation about the post-footballing job prospects of Wayne Rooney (there are some who would argue that his post-footballing job is Manchester United center forward), that needs to cease right now, because on Monday we found the perfect career for him: professional wrestler.

Rooney appeared on WWE "Monday Night Raw" on, you guessed it, Monday, and delivered a devastating slap to someone named "King Barrett," which allowed someone named "Cesaro" to pin someone named "Sheamus" and move on to the "quarterfinals" of "some kind of tournament or something."

We do not follow the WWE.

King @WadeBarrett and @WWESheamus just got SERVED by @WWECesaro and @ManUtd's @WayneRooney! #WWETitle #RAW https://t.co/ppwjG6qedR

— WWE (@WWE) November 10, 2015

With this, Wayne Rooney has found his clear career choice for after he's done footballing (stop it with the "he's already done footballing" jokes guys. They are low-hanging fruit), which would allow him to remain in the public eye and do something besides play football for a change (seriously with the jokes guys).

He's been ready for this career change for some time. Just ask that Portuguese guy whose nuts he stomped at the 2006 World Cup. Even better, this is an environment where hair transplants are not just not-frowned-upon, but even encouraged. We think Wayne could be really successful in WWE. He even has a great built-in gimmick as a former footballer who turned to wrestling (how did Eric Cantona not think of this?).

Never mind that Wayne's fighting technique closely resembles that of Mr. Gueermo from South Park.

Contact The18 Staff Writer Sam Klomhaus at Klomhaus@The18.com or follow him on Twitter @SamKlomhaus