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As we enter the last weekend of the Premier League season (the horror!), what are we dedicated fans to do now that we will be without the drama, heartbreak, and joy of English soccer until mid-August? Have no fear, we at The18 are here to help. In honor of David Letterman’s final show this week, we will present this as a Top 10.
Top 10 things to do to tide you over until the Premier League returns:
10. Brunch
The first of what you will see is a common theme for gentlemen that arise throughout this list, namely, attempting to gain points with your significant other for all of those mornings spent from August to May in pubs and in front of the television watching the EPL. Much like the EPL in this country, brunch is a serious ritual and tradition that is taken more seriously in urban areas (better plan ahead to get a table). Fear not gents, the food is delicious and because of the never-ending flow of mimosas and bloody marys, it gives you the same “excuse” as the EPL that you need to start drinking in the morning.
Give in to the preppy greatness. Photo: whatsupnewp.com
9. Read
Challenge your mind instead of sitting in front of the television by finally getting to those books you always wanted to read. About soccer, of course. For us relatively new fans, it is good to learn a sense of your favorite club’s history. Need a recommendation? Check out the Off the Pitch archives! Here.
8. Visit Wineries
If your area has them (and at this point, they’re all over the country), why not spend a Saturday or Sunday sampling some local Pinot Grigio or Cabernet? In addition to solving the two previous issues of gaining points with your lady as well as morning drinking, it will present a slightly different cultural experience as you listen to all of the ingredients in wine that you can’t taste (“Oak? Yeah, it does taste like a tree”) compared to the drunk, fat English guy bloviating at the pub about how Arsene Wenger is crap.
They won't all be this pretty, but this is the experience you're looking for. Breathe in the oakiness. Photo: fodors.com
7. Play Soccer
What a concept. Rather than watching people run around on TV playing the beautiful game, get out there and play it yourself! Get some exercise. Enjoy the Summer weather. This doesn’t apply to me as I’m 32 years old and terrible at soccer, but for those of you younger and/or more skilled, this is a great option.
6. Play FIFA
Here we go. My wheelhouse. Lead your club to all of the glory on the virtual pitch that it did not and could not achieve on the actual pitch.
5. Catch up Downton Abbey
If you’re behind on this English period piece, now is the time to catch up. In addition to tiding you over on your English accent quota, the sense of upstairs v. downstairs, have v. have-nots, echoes the hierarchy of the English Premier League. There is Lord Grantham, a traditionalist that cannot seem to manage his finances or corral his wayward children. Pure Liverpool. And then there’s Thomas the footman. A dastardly individual, stuck at the bottom, but constantly wanting more and feeling that he deserves it, even though he doesn’t. Clearly a Queens Park Rangers fan.
The Liverpool of PBS period piece dramas. Does that make Mario Balotelli Lady Sybil? Photo: bark-meow.com
4. Sleep
The Premier League comes on early in this country, especially for those of you that live out west. There’s nothing worse than an existence in which you always wake up to either an alarm or a hangover (or both). Perfect time to catch up on sleep.
3. Religious Services
No matter your religious denomination or which God you worship, this provides an opportunity to re-connect with your spiritual self. If for no other reason than to pray for the success of your favorite club next season. Some clubs need your prayers more than others.
2. Play Golf
To ensure that your Saturday and Sunday mornings will still be full of expletive outbursts, frustration, and fleeting moments of glory, there is nothing better than playing a round of golf.
1. Women’s World Cup and Gold Cup
Oh come on. You weren’t honestly going to go without watching soccer for 3 months, were you? When the Gentleman and Lady Yanks are playing in international competitions? Not a chance. U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A
Follow Mike Smith on Twitter @thefootiegent
Got more ideas for how to pass the time until next season? Let him know via Twitter.
