The new Premier League season is upon us, so here’s why your EPL club well and truly sucks:
Arsenal: Wenger’s out, but Wengerball is still alive and well in north London — just look at the season Mesut Ozil’s having!
Chelsea: You can’t win the Premier League without an outstanding goal scorer, and you’ve got Alvaro Morata.
Everton: Over the last four seasons, you’ve finished 11th, 11th, 7th and 8th. Maybe you don’t suck, but you do suck the joy out of existence.
Leicester City: You’ve got two excellent players and one calls the other one Slab Head. You guys don’t even respect yourselves.
Liverpool: There’s no denying the feel-good factor at Anfield, and that’s why it’s all going to slip.
Manchester City: You know your club’s an embarrassment to sport when a “quiet” summer is signing the most expensive African footballer of all-time for $77 million.
Manchester United: Why do the Red Devils suck? Just turn on the TV and watch your side play. It’s as simple as that.
Tottenham: You made no new signings, you have no stadium and — I’m gonna go there — Harry Kane did not deserve the World Cup Golden Boot.
