Injuries

Walking off the pitch today, face covered in blood after scoring Real Madrid’s sixth goal of the day, Cristiano Ronaldo borrowed his doctor’s phone to check out the damage.

There's buzz in London about the Andy Carroll to Chelsea transfer rumors. The 29-year-old striker is reportedly unfit for training as a result of an ankle injury, although there are conflicting reports about that. 

It’s an old trope of film that always gets the job done effectively and, more importantly, concisely: the training montage. Films like the Rocky franchise, The Karate Kid, X-Men: First Class, The Fighter, Cool Runnings, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, The Hunger Games and you get the point have all utilized the uplifting sequence to quickly portray a long passage of time devoted to painstaking preparation.

Tigres winger Jurgen Damm has turned himself into an example of how not to play with fireworks after suffering first-degree burns on the right side of his face in a New Year's Eve fireworks accident. Damm will be out for around two weeks, the club announced.

All is not well with Manchester United. There are injuries afoot, and the injuries are happening to the most fun players.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic was not in the squad against Southampton because his knee, which he injured catastrophically near the end of last season, has an issue. Lions do not heal like humans, it's true, but lions are also killed and eaten by other lions as soon as they become too slow and weak to defend themselves.

Barcelona have not had a good Saturday.

First, they were held to a 2-2 draw by Celta Vigo, the sort of opponent that Barca should never have any trouble putting away. Lionel Messi and Luis Suarez both scored, but the defense was not good.

Santi Cazorla is surrounded by darkness. He cannot escape the despair. The omnipresent smile has been replaced by a pained expression, beseeching the soccer gods to bestow upon him a healthy foot. The saga of the never-ending Santi Cazorla injury continued Wednesday when the Arsenal midfielder announced he underwent a ninth surgery in 13 months on his right foot.  

Cazorla’s announcement came via Twitter with a telling photo: the Spaniard, hands clasped as if in prayer, looking to the heavens while blackness surrounds from above and below.