Dejan Lovren is like a haunted doll. No matter how hard you try to get rid of him, he always finds a way to stay put. During Liverpool's last two summers, a main goal has been to replace Lovren in the starting lineup. Lovren is still in the starting lineup. Next summer they will try to replace him again, but will fail somehow. Dejan Lovren will keep his job.

Wayne Shaw is an overweight man in his mid 40s who likes to eat pies. We are all Wayne Shaw. 

Sadly for overweight pie eaters everywhere, Shaw was fined and banned for two months from doing a job he was fired from eight months ago — all for eating pie. 

Finally, a bit of good news for Newcastle United supporters around the world. After a net spend of around $26 million in the summer transfer window (or roughly one-tenth of a Neymar if you prefer), The18 can confirm that the club have steered cleared of a dreaded investigation from UEFA over financial fair play. 

This will undoubtedly bring great joy to manager Rafa Benitez, who was promised “every last penny” by owner Mike Ashley back in May and then landed Jacob Murphy from Norwich City as the club’s marquee signing. 

Welcome to a Wenger Watch transfer deadline special, where we will come to a conclusion on Wenger IN vs. Wenger OUT based on the deadline day happenings at Arsenal. 

The deadline day happenings at Arsenal were pretty underwhelming really. Manchester CIty is all mad because they don't have Alexis Sanchez, Arsenal have Alexis Sanchez but not Thomas Lemar or Alex-Oxlade Chamberlain, who has inadvertantly become the new Banter King of Merseyside.