The fastest LaLiga debut goal for Real Madrid since Ronaldo (and a brilliant one at that). A hat-trick on his second Champions League appearance. That ridiculous outside-of-the-foot volley against Club Brugge.

Goal #100: An acrobatic side volley that’s made to look effortless. Goal #99: A velvety first touch loaded with purpose, a graceful cut beyond a defender and a curled finish inside the far post.

And now there are 98 superior goals?! As Ray Hudson once said, “The insane becomes the routine with this man.” 

The Premier League has earned its place as the most-watched domestic competition on the planet with a package of blood and thunder. In cauldron-like atmospheres up and down the country, clubs compete at exemplifying heavy metal football while engaged in tit-for-tat thrill rides for 90 frantic minutes.

But what sets the Premier League apart is that it’s also home to some of the game’s most sublime artists. These are the players who remind us that while force allows you to exert some form of control over proceedings, dominance can really only be achieved through understanding.

Foosball — or table soccer — was once the eighth-most popular sport in the United States. Professional footballers raked in huge winnings on a million-dollar tour with Porches given to champions. It was a glamorous time, with the sport appearing in major Hollywood films.

Crystal Palace defeated West Ham 2-1 on Thursday thanks to an incredible solo effort from Jordan Ayew at the death. Ayew had provided the assist on Cheikhou Kouyaté’s equalizer for Palace in the 68th minute, but he saved his ultimate contribution for last.

Injuries, a contentious World Cup and the personal admission of a desire to abandon the PSG project have all adversely affected Neymar over the past two years — so much so that he found himself omitted entirely from the 30-man list for the 2019 Ballon d’Or. 

Sunday marked the 21st time in Luis Suárez’s six-year Barcelona career that he’d hammered a ball flush in the air — be it a volley, scissor or overhead kick — and into the back of the net. Frankly, there’s no one better on the planet with this demanding technique. Here’s that strike against Sevilla.   

Last night in Porto Alegre, Athletico Paranaense captured the 2019 Copa do Brasil with a 3-1 aggregate victory over Paolo Guerrero’s Internacional. After winning the first leg 1-0 in Curitiba, Athletico-PR captured its first-ever Copa by seeing things through at Inter’s home stadium.

It’s been over four months since we first caught wind of the Diego Maradona documentary that debuted in select cinemas worldwide back in June. Unfortunately, since America can be quite trash in the ways of appreciating soccer, the film hasn't been available to watch stateside. That’s all going to change on October 1.

As an American, it’s only natural that you’ll go through life encountering people that aren’t soccer fans. I’ve found — time after time — that the greatest bridge over that divide is Zlatan Ibrahimović. Introducing the big Swede’s personality to the uninitiated turns ambivalence into interest, and showing the Galaxy striker’s most famous goals turns interest into “holy shit, that’s incredible!”