It’s tragic to think about the gross output of the cast of characters in the Manchester derby when bridled with the vast sums of money spent on assembling them. The latest edition of Manchester United vs. Manchester City was a sobering affair that could serve as a harrowing documentary of the wastes of our time.

Who would bet against Jose Mourinho in a situation like Sunday’s? The man’s the ultimate party spoiler. He comes to every massive occasion equipped with his tactical wet blanket and extinguishes the feel good factor around the place.

Mourinho adopted a maniacally fluid 3-1-4-1-1 with Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Daley Blind and Michael Carrick starting on the bench. Matteo Darmian’s place on the left side of defense served to make Pedro’s life a living hell, and Ander Herrera was instructed to do this same with Eden Hazard. 

I don't know what Luke Shaw did to Jose Mourinho to make the Special One so angry at him, but it must have been really bad.

Here's what Mourinho said about the young defender earlier this week:

“It’s difficult for Shaw to be on the bench because I cannot compare him with Ashley Young, with Darmian, with Blind. I cannot compare the way he trains, the way he way he commits, the focus, the ambition. I cannot compare. He is a long way behind.”

Jose Mourinho accidentally let slip a lack of knowledge concerning pop culture and heists while talking about the possibility of Manchester United signing Neymar. I'll explain.

Mourinho's quote, from ESPNFC:

The Chicago Fire have signed 32-year-old German midfielder Bastian Schweinsteiger from Manchester United, handing him one of the top 10 biggest contracts in the league. Schweinsteiger could make his Chicago debut as early as April 1 against Montreal.

According to FOX Soccer, the transfer fee is around $4.5 million. Schweinsteiger joined Manchester United from Bayern Munich back in July of 2015 for almost $10 million, but he struggled to make an impact at the club under Louis van Gaal. 

Jose Mourinho generally gives off an air that he thinks he's the smartest man in the room. We guess even the smartest man in the room forgets the alphabet sometimes.

"We don't have A, B, C, D, E, F, G..but we have L, M, N, S, O, P" pic.twitter.com/DiflA8Ky5B

— NBC Sports Soccer (@NBCSportsSoccer) March 19, 2017