Will Spanish striker Fernando Torres finally join Major League Soccer? This is the rumor that has everyone’s heads spinning. It started when fans noticed “El Niño” listed as a player on the official MLS website. Last time I checked, it’s not April Fools' Day so this is either a major transfer leak or the biggest hoax in MLS transfer rumor history.

Can you imagine Torres playing for an MLS squad? Which club, in such case, would be lucky enough to capture “El Niño”? 

Borussia Dortmund’s sobering 3-1 home defeat to Bayern Munich on Saturday contained only two redeeming qualities according to BVB manager Peter Bosz: the support of the club’s famous Yellow Wall and the play of 19-year-old American attacker Christian Pulisic.

There’s certainly not a whole lot in this — it’s wild January transfer speculation two months before the window opens from dubious sources — except that it kinda makes sense.

You could forgive Bill Hamid for electing to stay with DC United for the rest of his playing career — he’s got a pretty good thing going in the nation’s capital. Having risen through the ranks of the club’s youth system, Hamid established himself as the team’s No. 1 over the course of eight stellar seasons, including a 2014 campaign that saw him named MLS Goalkeeper of the Year.

You know how Neymar left Barcelona for PSG? Well, apparently that move was in the works for a long time. As far back as Messi's wedding, if Xavi Hernandez is to be believed.

Here's what Xavi told the BBC World Service:

How much of Hatem Ben Arfa’s enfant terrible reputation is deserved? It’s impossible to say, because we don’t know the man. However, with only one-year remaining on his Paris Saint-Germain contract, it’s become clear that Ben Arfa’s exit from the French capital is going to look a lot like his exits from Lyon, Marseille, Newcastle United and Hull City. 

Claudio Pizarro doesn’t have amazing speed. He doesn’t dominate with his strength. He doesn’t even really look like much of a striker (maybe a defender). But all he does is score goals year after year. Now the soon-to-be 39-year-old is returning to the Bundesliga. Claudio Pizarro signed with FC Cologne on a one-year contract on Friday.

Apparently, even eSports talents can get sent out on loan. Ajax, for decades a premier producer of precocious players, is also one of the frontrunners in the eSports world. On Thursday they signed new player Lev Vinken to their squad — and immediately sent him out on loan to league rival Sparta Rotterdam.

Chelsea wantaway striker Diego Costa appears to have finally wrangled the move he has been angling for, back to Atletico Madrid and their shiny new stadium.

The statement on Atletico Madrid's website:

Atletico Madrid defeated Athletic Bilbao 2-1 at the San Mames on Tuesday to continue their unbeaten start to league play after five matches. But anemic draws against Girona and Valencia find them trailing Barcelona by four points, and you can’t fight the feeling that despite the continued excellence of players like Koke and Antoine Griezmann, there’s a Diego Costa-sized hole in this Atleti side.