Panama-Nicaragua was the 2017 Gold Cup in 90 minutes.

After a first half full of crap offense, crap defense took over in the second half and sparked the match to life.

Poor play on both ends typified what has been an underwhelming and CONCACAF’y Gold Cup with many of regions best players watching from home.

Ultimately, Panama pulled out a 2-1 win in what was quite literally an opening act for the USA-Martinique match. 

Florent Malouda is not eligible to play for the French Guiana National Team. Malouda made 80 appearances for France from 2004-2012, and as such is not allowed to participate for any other country. CONCACAF representatives confirmed before the tournament that Malouda is not eligible to play.

Watching the Gold Cup the last couple of days, you feel a bit like Scooter Braun accidentally clicking on a YouTube video of a tween musician. 

Not since Justin Bieber was discovered at age 12 in 2007 has Canada had such a precocious young star in the making. Alphonso Davies may have only become a Canadian in the last couple months, but if he keeps scoring at this rate, he’ll soar to Bieber-esque heights. 

Davies scored the opener in Canada’s 1-1 draw with Costa Rica on Tuesday, the 16-year-old’s third goal in two Gold Cup matches. 

Andre Blake captained Jamaica to a winning start at the 2017 Gold Cup on Sunday, keeping a clean sheet and recording six saves in the Reggae Boyz victory over Caribbean rivals Curacao. 

The international heroics from the 26-year-old goalkeeper were no different from what he’s been accomplishing with the Philadelphia Union throughout the first half of the 2017 season. 

Elias Hernandez had himself one helluva time on Sunday night against El Salvador, scoring a goal with a vicious volley and assisting on both Hedgardo Marin and Orbelin Pineda’s strikes. 

El Salvador pulled one back through Nelson Bonilla to briefly level the match at 1-1 in the 10th minute, but Mexico were deserved winners with a controlled display of mesmerizing passing. El Tri maintained 66% of possession while completing their passes at a 90% clip, including 82% in the attacking half.

On Saturday, Dom Dwyer scored his second goal in as many appearances for the USMNT. In doing so, he gave the USA a (temporary) 1-0 lead over Panama in the 2017 CONCACAF Gold Cup. Panama eventually scored to draw 1-1 with the USA.

More significantly, Dwyer became the ninth player in U.S. history to achieve the feat of scoring a goal in each of his first two games for the national team.

Alphonso Davies has yet to score in his burgeoning Major League Soccer career, but the 16-year-old Canadian phenom bagged his first and second goals for the national team in only his second international appearance.

The Gold Cup cometh, and with disgraced former CONCACAF president Jeffrey Webb no longer around to taketh, the 2017 edition of the biennial championship of the North, Central American and Caribbean region promises to giveth in abundance.

Beginning with a titanic clash between French Guiana and Canada on Friday, July 7 and culminating on Wednesday, July 26 with the final in Santa Clara, California, we’ll be treated to three weeks of CONCACAF’y tomfoolery.