So, here's the deal: supposedly, there is actually a Jamie Vardy movie in the works. No, seriously. The English striker's rise from factory worker playing non-league soccer to Premier League record-breaker has apparently perked up the ears of executives in Hollywood. The man behind the movie, Adrian Butchart, is the man behind the "Goal!" trilogy and he has reportedly started the conversation on getting a Vardy movie made.
We like this idea. We could get behind this Jamie Vardy movie. That is until we saw who they were thinking about casting as Jamie Vardy. The three names in the running are, according to Butchart, Zac Efron, Twilight's Robert Pattinson and One Direction's Louis Tomlinson. We'll put this simply: no, no and absolutely not.
Seriously, are they trying to use Jamie Vardy to reach the teenage girl/young adult demographic? Did the last "Hunger Games" movie really fail that badly? It sounds to us like Hollywood is just trying to throw some teenage heartthrobs in there in order to cash out at the box office. Oh god. Now that we're reading all that back, that's exactly what they're doing, isn't it? S***.
Well, now that we've successfully killed any hype we may have previously had for this movie, here's who we would cast in a Jamie Vardy flick (also, the film should be called "Vardinho," or alternatively, "All F***ing Mine.")
Jamie Vardy - James McAvoy or Blake Harrison
Photo: @gofckapineapple | @TelegraphMan| @TalkSPORT | Twitter
It's a tough choice finding an actor for the man himself. He should have a similar wire-like frame, but he also needs to act and sound the part. We need to believe this guy worked 12 hours in a Midlands factory, and somehow, we don't think a guy who made his big break playing a sparkly emo vampire will tick any of those boxes.
We went with two potential options: James McAvoy and Blake Harrison. McAvoy is probably best known for his role as a young Professor Charles Xavier in the X-Men Origin movies. He's a huge Celtic fan, and played for them in the Jock Stein 30th Anniversary match. He also played on the Rest Of The World team during a Soccer Aid match at Old Trafford. McAvoy is a great actor and a huge soccer nut, so we think he's perfect.
He's quite a handy soccer player too. Photo:@scotsunsport | Twitter
Failing that, Blake Harrison would do an adequate job, having his made his name in the coming-of-age comedy "The Inbetweeners" and the quirky comedy "The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret."
Claudio Ranieri - Himself (maybe Ennio Morricone?)
Photo: @Merc_Sport | @wabenews | Twitter
There really isn't that many people that could do a good job of playing the mercurial manager known playfully as the "Tinkerman." We tried to find one. Trust us, we tried. We'd probably just have him play himself. However, if legendary composer Ennio Morricone wanted to try his hand at acting, we'd let him give it a shot.
Riyad Mahrez - Alexander Siddig or Ben Youcef
From Left to Right: Alexander Siddig, Riyad Mahrez, Ben Youcef. Photo: @EnnySolli | @Mahrez22 | @DoumitKhalil | Twitter
There's one man we really, really want to play Mahrez, but he's probably too old to pull it off now, and that's Alexander Siddig. You may remember Siddig from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine as Dr. Julian Bashir. He's also been in Game of Thrones, Kingdom of Heaven and Clash of the Titans. He definitely looks older (at least with the beard) so it might not work out very well. But don't worry! We have a backup.
That backup is Ben Youcef. You might recognize him from the movie "Munich." Youcef is a fellow Algerian (he even starred in a movie called "The Algerian") so he could add a little bit of authenticity to the role. He doesn't look exactly like him, but whatever. It's a movie. Just give him a beard, some blond tips and calm down.
Nigel Pearson - Vinnie Jones
Photo: @unibet | @onthisdayinfilm | Twitter
There's only one man that can pull of the psychotic tendencies of ex-Leicester boss Nigel Pearson and that's Vinnie Jones. There's no debate over this one. It's done.
Danny Drinkwater - Jack O'Connell
Photo: @bell_xo | @bluearmy | Twitter
O'Connell put in a great performance in the Coen Brothers' "Unbroken," playing an Olympian who gets captured during WW2 and put into a Japanese internment camp. He also played Bobby Charlton in the film "United," so he has some experience playing the role of a soccer player. He's a native Brit and he looks a little bit like Drinkwater too, so we think he fits the part.
Roy Hodgson - Steven Fry
Photo: @rickygnews24 | @SpursOfficial | Twitter
We honestly don't really care if Roy Hodgson is in this movie or not. But seeing as how he probably should be, we decided to go with scholar, comedian and Canaries fan, Steven Fry. At least Fry might be able to do the impossible: make Roy Hodgson interesting.
Robert Huth - Liam Neeson or Hafthor Bjornsson
Photo: @BPFLPolls | @OfficialOZFM | @espectador810 | Twitter
Because every movie should have Liam Neeson. Bar none. Failing that, let's get strongman Hafthor Bjornsson — who plays Gregor "The Mountain" Clegane in Game of Thrones---in on this.
Now that we look at it, this Jamie Vardy movie kind of resembles a Game Of Thrones episode if it was directed by Guy Ritchie. We're cool with it. Better than a teeny-bopper money grab.
Follow me on Twitter @J_Hansen_89
