Let's Be Honest, Christian Pulisic's Goal Celebration Could Use Some Work

It looks like Christian Pulisic is going to keep scoring goals. Probably lots of them. So, it's time someone had a word with him about his goal celebration.

Christian Pulisic may be The Truth, but someone needs to tell him the truth about his goal celebration. We can’t figure out what the hell he’s doing. Maybe someone else can, but we can't.

Before you get bent out of shape and start screaming at us, accusing us of being un-American, hold your horses. We know Christian Pulisic is great. We're with you. He's certainly one of the top American soccer players of all time. There's a chance he's the best American ever. Like, better than Abe Lincoln. Seriously, we feel you, @FearTheWall.

This was, of course, in reaction to Pulisic's goal in Borussia Dortmund's season opener against VfL Wolfsburg. Check it out, it's a totally sweet goal. Just do us a favor and watch the celebration after the goal.

Did you see it?

No, we don't mean the part when he threaded the ball between two defenders and placed it in the back corner of the net, easy as can be. That part was awesome.

We mean the part when he started slapping himself in the face and then clutched his hand, as if trying to give himself a high five while also forgetting the basic mechanics of a high five – as well as the most important rule of high fives: never try to give one to yourself.

This is not something you want to do unless you are Tom Brady and can find no one else to high five you.

Watch Pulisic's goal celebration again:

It's not that we don't like the celebration, it's just that we don't know what's happening. It's confusing. We think you can do better, young Christian.

Here's the thing. If you're going to keep scoring wondergoals – and it appears you refuse to stop – you need an iconic celebration. Something little kids want to imitate and maybe you can even slap on a tee shirt. How are we going to slap you slapping yourself in the face on a tee shirt? We aren't.


Let us give you some examples of what we mean.

Here's Ronaldo celebrating:

See, nice and simple. He doesn't slap himself in the face once, no matter how much anyone else might want to.

Here's Pogba:

His goal celebration is a little more complicated, but easily imitable. 

We get it, though, Christian. You're still trying on different celebrations to see which fits best. We'll admit that today's celebration is a marked improvement over some past attempts, like this one: 

We just don't want you to stop with this wrist grabby thing. We want you to find a celebration that matches your greatness – that will inspire the next generation of American players and, also, look cool AF if you do happen to make it to the Prem.

After today's match, you said, "It's just the beginning of the season. We want to continue to get better and better."

We couldn't agree more. So how about a little more focus on a totally rad Christian Pulisic goal celebration that American fans can feel proud of during the 2018 FIFA World Cup? Because I'm going to feel silly sitting on my couch and slapping my own face in celebration.

Videos you might like