David Ospina Shows Why Twirling Around Isn’t In The Guide To Goalkeeping

David Ospina showed the world why you shouldn’t just stand there twirling about.

David Ospina is a goalkeeping legend. Arsenal’s No. 2 spends his time in the shadows because of Petr Cech, but when he emerges, hell hath no fury like like a designated cup ‘keeper. When he’s not too busy lifting the FA Cup trophy, he’s usually making wonderfully memorable additions to the goalkeeping handbook. 

Back in 2015, Ospina penned a wonderful chapter on why you should never catch a corner and then drift into your own net. Full of wisdom and nuance, the piece detailed the calamities of scoring on yourself whilst comically losing to Olympiakos at home and condemning yourself to a Round of 16 thrashing by Barcelona.

It’s a great read for anyone that wants to avoid one of the worst own goals of all time. 

During Arsenal’s Europa League match against Cologne on Thursday, Ospina added another chapter to the guide, this time about the perils of twirling around and the dangers of having never played any sport besides soccer.

Ospina has obviously spent his entire life planted firmly on the goal line, eviscerating any sort of worldview that incorporates a bit of space behind him. So unlike a center fielder in baseball or a cornerback in football, Ospina opted to simply twirl around when confronted with the problem of a ball sailing over his head.

The resulting motion was elegant, dainty and hopeless. It was a ballet of futility and failure, a wonderfully choreographed microcosm of the banality of all the shit we have to put up with. F**k that ball, f**k only getting to play in cup matches, Ospina will have written. I want the crust of the Earth to eat me. I just want to twirl.

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