Fans In Asia Attempt To Get Close To Ronaldo With Wildly Differing Results

Sometimes you get a high five, sometimes you get mauled by a 15-man task force.

Imagine, for a second, that your entire being is driven by a primal urge to enter into Cristiano Ronaldo’s proximity. Try as you might, you cannot shake the feeling that your existence absolutely, positively must be acknowledged by Ronaldo, and so your feet lead you on a happy dance that constantly pulls you ever closer to the 34-year-old's orbit; damn the consequences.

This is the plight currently facing some individuals in Singapore and China, who’ve risked it all to smell the CR7 eau de toilette from its source. 

“BLA-GAR-MA-NAR! I MUST SEE RONALDO! I MUST SEE HIM NOW!” is what their insides probably screech before they traverse the railing, hop the advertising hoardings, evade the first layer of security and beeline it toward the shining, shimmering, splendid No. 7. 

“I SEEEEEEE YOU MY RONNIE!” 

This is the moment, this is exactly where you were born to be. 

And then you are smashed to the ground by 15 members of the local security force who drag you off to a dark dungeon of testicle tasering. But it was worth it, and Ronaldo tried to save you in his own way.    

It’s an entirely better experience if you’re not attempting this as a grown man. 

Children, on the whole, are cuter and much less likely to be carrying a pointed stick. Just look at this young lad, who actually got to join Juve’s bench, aka the Federico Bernardeschi Experience, during the club’s friendly against Tottenham.  

But if you do want to reach Ronaldo and avoid a pile driver into the crust of the Earth, your best strategy is to hold him tight and make him promise to never let you go.   

Or you’ll get smashed while some other dude afflicted with obsessive love disorder gets the selfie. 

But whatever you do, don't f with Ronaldo while he's on the verge of tearing his shirt off and screaming "SIUUUUU!"

That's the one thing Ronaldo can't stand.

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