The EPL Transfer Window Will Close Earlier Next Year, But There Will Still Be Plenty Of Shenanigans

The EPL transfer deadline will be moved up next season to before the start of the season, in an attempt to curb the silliness of players angling for moves while playing actual soccer games against teams they might be sold to.

Those of you who revel in the insanity of the transfer deadline need not fret, though. Next summer's transfer window will still be dumb as hell.

There will be the usual "will he/won't he" nonsense we all love so much. Liverpool fans will monitor all vehicles coming to and going from Merseyside like the goddang NSA. Flight-tracking websites will acquire more bandwidth to accomodate football fans speculating on where their clubs may or may not have sent a medical team.

A club will still grossly overpay for a big name because they have run out of ideas. Every player will be linked with every club by some garbage tabloid or another. Those "Player X Welcome to Club Y Skills And Goals" videos will still appear on YouTube before a deal has been completed.

Fans will still be disappointed no matter what happens ("Sure we signed Messi, but we've done nothing to strengthen the defensive midfield." — Manchester City fans next summer, probably).

Everyone will still read too much into who folks are following on Instagram. 

Relax, everyone. It's going to be fine. By which I mean it is definitely NOT going to be fine.