Roberto Firmino's Liverpool contract reveals a level of saltiness that's not been seen in these parts for quite some time.

What follows is my favorite paragraph of soccer journalism so far in 2016.

Via Goal:

Given the way in which David Luiz was tackled by Sergio Aguero at the weekend and considering the short fuse on Luiz himself, many people were expecting an angry reaction from the Brazilian. As it turns out, that couldn't have been further from the truth.

Here's Nathaniel Chalobah coming to David Luiz's defense after Sergio Aguero's horror challenge on the Brazilian saw him sent off. #CFC pic.twitter.com/M37vazuaVR

Mario Balotelli's bad reputation reportedly netted him one of the sweeter contract bonuses we've heard of.

Reportedly, a series of documents released by Football Leaks shows Balotelli had a clause in his contract that entitled him to a ￡1 million bonus each season if he was not sent off three or more times.

Balotelli was not sent off during his first season at Liverpool and spent the second season on loan at AC Milan.

Manchester United's 1-1 draw with Everton Sunday was noteworthy for two things Zlatan Ibrahimovic did.

The one that everyone is focusing on: his kicking Seamus Coleman in the head early in the second half.

Zlatan wasn't punished on the field for the incident, but his comments after the game could cause the FA to take a closer look.

From MUTV: 

The clash between Manchester United and Everton played out much like a GEICO commercial this Saturday at Goodison Park.

The script goes something like this:

"If you're Zlatan, you score ridiculous goals and get away with almost anything, including stomping on Séamus Coleman's head. It's what you do."

"If you're Marouane Fellaini, you come off the bench at 85' and get called for a stupid penalty at the 87'. It's what you do."

You might be angry with the headline, but it’s the truth. It’s not click bait, a click bait article, by definition, doesn’t give you the information promised in the headline. Theo Walcott, as now certified by the Guinness Book of Records, has better control than Lionel Messi. It's the truth, I mean, if you can’t trust the Guinness Book of Records, who can you trust?  

So it’s a subjective form of control, and by subjective I mean it’s based off of who can control a ball dropped from a ridiculous altitude, but it’s a form of control no less.

Bastian Schweinsteiger's exile from Manchester United's first team appears to be dissipating.

The German midfielder played in his first match of the season earlier this week, getting a few minutes of run against West Ham in the EFL Cup quarterfinals. Schweinsteiger made the most of his time, sending a nice pass to set up Zlatan Ibrahimovic's second goal.

This has led Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho to say that Schweinsteiger might not be so exiled after all.

You’ve likely heard that Jose Mourinho’s Manchester United are, after 13 Premier League matches, further down the EPL table than they were during the dog days of David Moyes and Louis van Gaal. You’ve also probably been told that Mourinho has won as many games (six) in his last 20 EPL fixtures as Sean Dyche, Sam Allardyce and, yes, David Moyes. And all this after spunking a bajillion of the late Malcolm Glazer’s hard earned dollars all over the summer transfer market.