America’s favorite soccer couple is splitting up — at least geographically. 

The hype for the 2017-18 La Liga season has been decidedly low-key, and for good reason. Is there really any stopping Real Madrid? The club’s loss of Alvaro Morata hasn’t exceptionally weakened them, and capturing Kylian Mbappe would mean that we’re about 20 years away from parity being restored to European competition.

After two years in Germany with Bayer Leverkusen, Javier "Chicharito" Hernandez is returning to England and the Premier League with West Ham United. The club announced the move via video Monday.

Worth the wait.. #WelcomeChicha pic.twitter.com/ZPJQLPnRpb

— West Ham United (@WestHamUtd) July 24, 2017

According to ESPN Mexico’s Sergio Dipp, Javier “Chicharito” Hernandez has agreed to join West Ham United in the Premier League after the London-based club triggered his $16.9 million release clause.

Chicharito will reportedly undergo a medical on Monday before finalizing the move from Bayer Leverkusen. One major note of intrigue is that the Hammers begin their Premier League campaign on August 13 against…can you guess who?

Lucas Leiva is gone from Liverpool, the club he called home for 10 years. The Brazilian defensive midfielder's move to Lazio was made official Tuesday, but it had been a done deal for quite a while — judging by the amount of farewell Lucas content Liverpool seemed to have at the ready, that is.

Included was an open letter to Liverpool fans, and this very heartfelt interview:

"Liverpool, as a club and as a city, is a unique place."

Say this aloud, very slowly: Juventus sold Leonardo Bonucci to AC Milan. Juventus (the biggest team in Italy and six-time defending champions) sold Leonardo Bonucci (one of the world’s best defenders and a future club captain) to AC Milan (a team rapidly shaping up to be a title rival in the coming season). Juventus. Sold Bonucci. To Milan. For €42 million. That would buy you roughly 70 percent of Kyle Walker. Say it aloud. Repeat it slowly. Juventus sold Bonucci to Milan. And still, it hardly makes any sense.

Kyle Walker is the most expensive defender ever. Kyle Walker is the most expensive English player ever. Kyle Walker.

I'm sure Pep Guardiola knows what he's doing, really I am, but why on earth would he spend $65 million on English Alberto Moreno? Does Guardiola truly believe Walker is worth that price, or is he, like, trying to challenge himself?

AC Milan’s incredible summer transfer window reached new heights Friday with the club signing former Juventus defender and Italian international Leonardo Bonucci for a reported fee of $45 million. Milan has now spent $237 million over the course of this window, the most ever for an Italian club.

Mino Raiola, the architect of Paul Pogba, Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Henrikh Mkhitaryan's moves to Manchester United last summer (and Romelu Lukaku's this summer!), is about one thing only: getting his clients (and by extension himself) that money.

As we traverse the long, hot and boring summer, we find ourselves lost amid a desert of dullness — a boring expanse of time in which no football is actually played. No club football. No proper international tournament. Even the youth football has finished. Teams are barely beginning their preseason. Quite literally, there is no football to talk about. But the machine never ceases. Which brings us to the transfer market.