Manchester City attacker Nolito wants out of England, the sooner the better.
He hasn't learned much of the language, just the basics like "good morning", "good afternoon" and "tomorrow". He also is no fan of the weather.
"My daughter's face has changed color. It looks like she's been living in a cave," he told radio station El Transistor.
The good news is this move makes Manchester United once again much easier to hate. That's right, Zlatan is gone, banished from Manchester United after 42 appearances, 28 goals and one horrible knee injury.
Obviously Zlatan is going to come back. He is Zlatan, after all. The question is where, and that is a question for another day. Today, we must wrap our heads around the fact that we actually kind of liked Manchester United for a bit there, when they had Zlatan and Pogba doing Zlatan things and Pogba things.
With Real Madrid having won its third Champions League title in four years, pundits and fans alike continue to make the case that La Liga has overtaken the other major European leagues as the most elite division in the world.
After all the commotion at Euro 2016, there have been concerns that Russian hooligans are going to attack British fans at the World Cup in 2018. Fortunately, that worry has been taken care of.
Meet AlanTim, a robot that, in addition to having two first names, can call the police on hooligans, use logic to reason with hooligans, anticipate conflics before they happen and even wear a bowtie.
To prove AlanTim's effectiveness, the Moscow Technical Institute made this video, in which AlanTim is shown interacting positively with a man who has tattoos.
Later this week, England will play Scotland in a World Cup qualifier/remake of Mel Gibson's hit movie Braveheart. As such, England trained with the Royal Marines in order to better prepare themselves for, uh, something. Siege engines probably.
England football players were put through their paces during a Royal Marines boot camp
Read more: https://t.co/xh9FmRCBK3 pic.twitter.com/9ZOOffwC4K
With the 2016-17 Premier League season in the books, we now know what the league will look like next year. Relegated to the English Championship are Hull City, Middlesbrough and Sunderland. The three promoted sides include newcomers Brighton and Huddersfield and established EPL side Newcastle United.
Sky Sports' best football pundits, Jamie Carragher and Gary Neville are known for their constant banter. The pair will make you forget that it's the end of your week by watching them snap at each other during SoccerAM.
Former Ivory Coast and Newcastle United midfielder Cheick Tiote has passed away following a suspected heart attack while training with current club Beijing Enterprises. Tiote was only 30 years of age.
Sadly, it has been confirmed that Cheick Tiote has died in China at the age of 30. RIP.