Chelsea’s victory over Arsenal on Saturday was marked by a strange phenomena that led to the end of midfield enforcer Francis Coquelin’s career. Coquelin was employed to stop suspicious characters from running straight through the Arsenal midfield, but he failed after suffering spontaneous human combustion while tracking Eden Hazard.
He exploded into hellfire. There is no adequate explanation for this bit of poltergeist, in fact, referee Martin Atkinson adjudged it to be a foul, which is a pretty terrible way to treat someone who’s just suffered self-detonation.
However, our analysis of the scene reveals that Hazard may have served as the small source of ignition — his performance was the footballing equivalent of the wick effect.
His mere presence served as the source of Coquelin’s combustion. At 5’8’’ and 163 lbs, it’s difficult to understand how Hazard could pose such a threat to Coquelin’s well-being, but the Arsenal man is now blown up because of him.
IT'S A WONDER GOAL from Eden Hazard! The Belgian can't be stopped on his way to doubling @ChelseaFC's lead vs. Arsenal. #PLonNBC pic.twitter.com/I8rNJZXYrr
— NBC Sports Soccer (@NBCSportsSoccer) February 4, 2017
Arsene Wenger could’ve avoided this if he’d signed Hazard in 2012, but the French manager says “I have no big regrets because at the time there was so much financial, so much money involved we could not afford it.”
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