Why Loris Karius Should Be People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive Instead Of Blake Shelton

Surely you have seen the news by now. Everyone who's anyone has seen the news: Blake Shelton has been named "Sexiest Man Alive" by People Magazine. Many people have rightly noted that Shelton is and was a stupid choice, and I am here to offer up an alternative: Liverpool goalkeeper Loris Karius.

Blake Shelton looks like he was drawn by Mike Judge. Karius looks like he was carved from marble by Michelangelo.

Shelton once recorded a song called "Boys Round Here," which if Brad Paisley's "Accidental Racist" didn't exist would be in the running for worst country song of all time (other candidates would include "Truck Yeah" by Tim McGraw, "Hicktown" by Jason Aldean, "Hey Pretty Girl" by Kip Moore and Luke Bryan's entire catalogue).

Karius had nothing to do with "Boys Round Here" or its accompanying music video, which is equally if not more stupid. That said, he is a master of an artistic discipline: Instagram.

Gaze upon the one true Sexiest Man Alive.

Kinda feels like déjà vu

A post shared by Loris Karius (@lorisk21) on

Deja vu, huh? He's probably talking about last year, a year in which Karius also was not named People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive.

Last days of summer holiday before preseason starts  #chilltime #vacation #LK1

A post shared by Loris Karius (@lorisk21) on

If this process was in any way democratic we all know how this would play out.

New York we out here  #LK1

A post shared by Loris Karius (@lorisk21) on

Aside from making bad country music, Shelton is known for being a judge on American Idol rip-off The Voice. Karius, on the other hand, has Liverpool on top of Group E in the Champions League group stage.

Also, Karius has never been in a Pizza Hut commercial.

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