Soccer Is Boring

Let's face it, there's just not much entertainment in soccer.

Look, I think it's time we addressed the elephant in the room, the truth we all know but can't bring ourselves to admit, the monster hiding under the bed of our fandom.

Soccer is boring.

There's just no scoring! It's hard to get excited watching a bunch of dudes pass a ball around while no one really runs or does anything interesting. I hate to say it, but Ann Coulter was right.

Remember the soccer episode in The Simpsons? That wasn't too far from the truth! Certainly a lot closer than many of us would care to admit!


Soccer just doesn't have the drama, the passion of sports over here like football (there's only one football, and it's American, you hear me?) or baseball. What's dramatic about 22 people wearing shorts that are too short, running around and falling down without anyone touching them? 

I have seen American sports turn grown men into blubbering children. I have seen American sports turn previously well-adjusted people into shrieking loonies. I have not seen soccer do a damn thing, because it's sooo boring. It's a hard truth, but an important one.

I just don't get it.

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