Justin Bieber Spotted Balling, But Jesus Christ He’s Wearing Two Different Cleats

Like an NFL kicker, Bieber has ingeniously harnessed the different qualities of the Mercurial and the Magista.

The Nike Mercurial boots are designed for those who put the highest onus on explosive acceleration. They’re catered to the game’s speed merchants — think Cristiano Ronaldo or Theo Walcott. The Magistas, on the other hand, are for enhanced control and superior touch. They’re geared towards the midfield engines — like Arturo Vidal or Kevin De Bruyne. 

But what if you’re both? What if you’re Cristiano De Bruyne? That’s the problem facing Canadian t̶e̶e̶n̶ ̶p̶o̶p̶ ̶s̶e̶n̶s̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶ 24-year-old Justin Bieber. Just like an NFL kicker, Bieber is pioneering the use of two distinctly different cleats in his Los Angeles men’s league, and goddammit if it’s not changing the entire way we see the game.

Justin Bieber playing soccer

Mercurial on the right foot, Magista on the left. Photo: @BieberTubeCH | Twitter

I would describe his play for you, but the DailyMail already accomplished that feat with some spectacular language. Warning: these words paint a carnal picture: 

“Looking like a professional player, Justin donned a black Generosity jersey with white striped along the shoulder. His muscular legs were thrust on center stage thanks to his skimpy black P.E. Nation shorts, which cut high on his thighs and cinched at his lithe waist.

“He chased down the soccer ball in a pair of yellow and black cleats as his teammates awaited a pass from the 'Sorry' hitmaker. Daring to impress, the musical sensation launched the ball into the air several times with a swift kick.”

Justin Bieber playing soccer

I didn't put the text on this photo. I think it's nice and spicy. Photo: @guccibieber1994 | Twitter

Chasing that ball and delivering some swift kicks. That’s exactly why he needs a Mercurial on one foot (for the chasing) and a Magista on the other (for the SWIFT KICKS). 

Justin Bieber playing soccer

Biebs getting banished to another dimension. Photo: @justinbiebershi | Twitter

After the game, Bieber sat there in anguish, probably because wearing two different kinds of boots is not recommended for your ankles. 

Justin Bieber playing soccer

"Fuuuck, why do my ankles hurt so bad???" Photo: @guccibieber1994 | Twitter  

Also, the DailyMail says that Bieber and Selena Gomez just split! That’s terrible! It’s crazy they were still dating though. 

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