These 12 Soccer Beards Are Treasures Worth Ranking
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The month of Manuary is coming to a close and guys around the world are dreading the fact they won’t have a legit excuse to let their facial hair grow to uncontrollable lengths. For those unaware, Manuary is an unwritten extension of No Shave November and Don’t Shave December, where men tend to grow their beards with disregard to any grooming tools and to combat Mother Nature and Jack Frost’s winter wrath.
In order to celebrate these combined months, a collection of some of the soccer world’s best beards, both past and present, have been assembled and graded to see who can claim they have the best facial hair.
Of course, no two beards are exactly alike, so I’ve taken the liberty of dividing each individual into sub classes.
The Five O’Clock Shadow
Pique’s facial hair can fluxuate between non-existant and full-grown neck beard. However, it’s safe to say his best look is just a couple of days after a quick shave, where his five o’clock shadow is in full effect. Of course, he’s married to Shakira, so anything I say to him concerning his looks is null and void.
Beckham is another one of those guys who can pull off both the baby face look and the full beard, which is somewhat of a rarity. There have been numerous occasions where Beckham has done a bunch of unique looks when it comes to his beard, but his go-to always seems to be the barely shaved look. This is just one example. You can do a Google search of his other styles, but you might end up pregnant.
Oy. When it comes to soccer, Neymar is world class. However, when it comes to growing facial hair, he might be on the reserve team. This is why you rarely see the Brazilian wonder sporting any facial hair, because he can’t grow it effectively. When he does attempt the beard, it’s a bit patchy and has no volume to it. That’s no knock to him, some of us just aren’t blessed with the gene. It’s ok Neymar. Being a baby face is your forte anyways.
The Unique Look
Early in his career, the great Maradona used to go full-blown baby face. As he aged, however, he learned his hidden ability of being able to grow a pretty mean chinstrap. To this day, Maradona still rocks the chinstrap look, with a touch of grey here and there.
Cisse has been known to rock some pretty wacky hairdos, and his facial hair game is just as bonkers. Here, he’s shown with a glorious beard, but he’s also a notorious goatee sporter. I’ve also seen him with the Wolverine chops before. Maybe it’s just the blonde beard that throws me off, but creating a facial hair list without him is borderline treason.
You all knew it was coming. America’s greatest ginger just had to make the list for his notorious goatee he rocked during his team on US Men’s National Team. I mean, what would you do out on the field if you looked up and a man with that kind of beard was staring you down, daring you to try and get past him on the pitch? Give up, that’s what you do.
The Well Groomed
Everybody’s favorite Frenchie has recently decided to try growing his own beard during the cold winter months in England, and it’s turned out pretty decent. It’s got the right amount of volume to it where it’s not so overbearing that it hides his jawline while not so thin that you can literally see it.
Here’s a beard we can all aspire to try and duplicate. Pirlo’s facial hair is as world renowned and legendary as the Italian himself. Rarely have you ever seen a picture of Pirlo in chich he is clean shaven and when you do see one, it’s kind of weird. I swear, there are times where I feel like someone drew Pirlo’s beard on his face. It is masculine perfection with the right amount of volume to it. Tell me your secret, man.
A man whose future seems to be leaning towards coming back to America and the MLS, Timmy Howard is able to grow a gem of a beard that has a ridiculous amount of volume to it. When he grows it out, he can rival James Harden and Brian Wilson for American athlete with the most badass beard.
At its peak, Meireles’ beard is fantastic. Very few can pull off a beard that goes down to the top of your chest. There’s no doubt Meireles is one of those people. Combine that with the Mohawk he usually rocks? Definitely not a dude I’d want to meet up with in a dark alley.
Speaking of beards that almost go down to the top of your chest, good Lord look at this beard. For those who have never heard of this bearded fellow, Matthias Holst plays for German club Rödemisser SV based in the port town of Husum, Germany and as you can tell, his beard game is too strong.
LOOK AT THIS BEARD! I’m not even sure where to start with this thing. It’s too great for words. The thing that sets it over the top though, is the mustache. There’s no point in going any further. We have a winner. Let’s all go home and wallow in the fact we’ll never be as manly as Marco Sailer.
Is there a best beard in soccer that was missed? Tweet me @AndySouthESun a picture of a soccer player with glorious facial hair and let me know.