Red Card

Jamie Vardy’s dismissal on Saturday for his lunge on Mame Biram Diouf was predicated on everything but the tackle itself. Having lost the ball to Glen Johnson in the buildup, that particular spirit that invokes images of Skittles Vodka and murmurs of “Chat Shit Get Banged” could be felt through televisions around the globe: Vardy, looking like Pokemon’s Rattata with Red Bull coursing through his mouse veins, was probably about to do something he’d regret.

Saturday’s match between Bundesliga leaders RB Leipzig and relegation-threatened FC Ingolstadt was remarkable in that the team at the bottom pulled off a highly improbable 1-0 upset. 

What was exceedingly exceptional was what transpired in second half stoppage time. Referee Markus Schmidt, who’d apparently just put down Niccolo Machiavelli’s The Prince before running out to officiate this match, showed that it is indeed safer to be feared than loved.

Given the way in which David Luiz was tackled by Sergio Aguero at the weekend and considering the short fuse on Luiz himself, many people were expecting an angry reaction from the Brazilian. As it turns out, that couldn't have been further from the truth.

It simply doesn’t get any more embarrassing or unprofessional than this. Trailing Sheffield Wednesday 2-1 in the English Championship on Saturday, Preston had both their strikers sent off in the final minutes after nearly coming to blows and being separated by teammates.

Eoin Doyle had halved the Preston deficit in the 82nd minute, but he and strike partner Jermaine Beckford were subsequently shown straight reds for violent conduct in the 90th minute. 

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

It was the best of times for Vedad Ibisevic because he scored twice in Hertha Berlin's 2-1 win over Mainz, with the second marking his 100th Bundesliga goal.

It was the worst of times for Vedad Ibisevic because, less than 10 minutes after scoring his 100th Bundesliga goal, he got a second yellow and was sent off.

The record for the fastest red card ever in soccer is somewhat dubious: is it limited to professionals? What about amateur leagues? Does the player actually have to play a second before being sent off? These are the kinds of ridiculous variables you must factor into determining the fastest red card ever in soccer.

According to the Guardian, there have been a number of instances when substitutes have been sent off without having ever played a second in the match.

Friday's game between Hertha Berlin and Borussia Monchengladbach was filled with fouls, cards and injuries. Salomon Kalou led his team to victory by scoring three goals, continuing his fine form since leaving Chelsea.