Off the Pitch

Soccer in America is failing, they say. The USMNT sucks! The USWNT will soon be passed by Europeans!

Soccer, we’ve been told, will never fully succeed in America.

Well now, Americans have found a way to stay relevant in soccer — at least once our robot overlords take over. 

In a series of videos that is sure haunt your nightmares, some “Mini Cheetah” robots from MIT have been shown to frolic, run, gallop, trot, prance, do backflips and, yes, play soccer.

Is Megan Rapinoe running for office? 

That was the question on many minds of many during and after the Women’s World Cup, in which Megan Rapinoe headlined the USWNT’s triumph in France. 

In case you haven’t seen all the obnoxious social media posts — like the one that probably brought you to this link — it’s Halloween. And while some of you have probably had your costume picked out since Nov. 1, 2018, most of you are probably still scrambling around to think of a costume for tonight or trying to think of reasons to stay inside, shut out all the lights and pretend you’re not home. So we’ve come up with some soccer-related last-minute Halloween costume ideas for you unimaginative, cheap and lazy folks out there (our prime audience, I’m sure).

The weather in Boulder, Colorado, where The18 is headquartered, has been nothing short of miserable this week. Since a snowstorm blew in on Sunday, the temperature hasn’t gone above freezing, with windchills dipping below zero. Boulder has received 16 inches of snow since Sunday in an unusually cold end to October. (Thanks climate change!)

But soccer stops for no Old Man Winter.

Gareth Bale is still in the midst of a never-ending transfer saga at Real Madrid, but his focus isn’t on where he might be playing next.

Nor is Bale focusing on his play on the field.

Gareth Bale, 30, is mostly worried about what he’s going to do when he retires — golf and going unnoticed.

Ted Lasso is coming back.

Saturday Night Live alum Jason Sudeikis is reprising his role as the clueless American coaching Premier League soccer in London with the return of his character Ted Lasso in an upcoming Apple TV+ series. 

Jason Sudeikis first portrayed Lasso in 2013 as part of a promotional series for NBC Sports, which had just obtained the U.S. TV rights to the English Premier League. Lasso was a stereotypical American football coach who had no idea what he was doing coaching Tottenham Hotspur.

These days, you’re not a football star if you don’t have a statue. Whether it’s been possessed by a demon or part of a prank, everyone from Cristiano Ronaldo to David Beckham has one. So of course, there’s a Zlatan statue now.

The Houston Dash are probably the least popular club in the NWSL. They’re the only team without a USWNT player and they’re seemingly allergic to scoring, with only the dysfunctional Sky Blue having fewer goals. 

So maybe they’re on to something with this basketball thing.

The Dash, all but out of the playoff running in NWSL, practiced basketball on Thursday as Houston was smashed by a tropical depression, making outdoor training impossible.