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Empty Lessons
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In large part due to Chris Smalling’s 38th minute sending off (more on that later), Sunday’s Manchester Derby told us little we didn’t already know:
Manchester United are woefully threadbare at the back: they finished Sunday’s game with a back four comprised of a winger, a central midfielder, and two 19-year-olds, one of whom was appearing in only his third Premier League game.
Manchester City are hopelessly reliant on David Silva to dictate their attacking play. In his absence, they laboured to break down a 10-man United blessed with the above-mentioned defensive talents, and once they had, rarely looked like doing so again.
City are playing with all the confidence of Lindsey Lohan at a random drug test. For the last 25 minutes of the game they were desperately clinging on, at home, to their 1-0 lead against United’s remaining 10 men, and were arguably fortunate to escape with all three points.”
United are now tenth and without a win away from Old Trafford. And yet, despite their sub-standard start to the season, they come away from this weekend in decent spirits having shown considerably more ambition and self-belief with ten men than the reigning champions managed in front of their home crowd. By contrast, Manuel Pellegrini’s men enter a crucial Champions League week with more questions than answers. It may be a tired cliché, but football really is a funny old game sometimes.
Dumb and Dumberer
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Chris Smalling will have had a good hour alone in the away dressing room to contemplate his two-fold stupidity. To pick up a booking for blocking the goalkeeper’s kick is pretty dumb. To compound that stupidity less than 20 minutes later with a rash challenge when you’re already on a booking, in a Manchester Derby, when your manager has called for calm heads, is, well, even more dumberer (as someone more erudite than us once said).
It also raises further questions about Louis van Gaal’s attention to detail: if United were concerned about Hart’s quick distribution, why have a defender – who’s performances are always impacted more by bookings than attacking players – do the dirty work? Why not van Persie or Di Maria or Rooney? It’s all too reminiscent of last weekend’s marking mix-up that led to Didier Drogba’s goal for Chelsea.
Big games such as these are won and lost by the finest of margins; van Gaal should know that better than anyone.
Back from the Dead
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So said the banners at St James’ Park this weekend, and who are we to argue? Following their 1-0 victory over Liverpool, Alan Pardew’s Newcastle United have now won three-in-a-row in the league (four in all competitions) and sit 12th, level on points with Man United. At the start of October they were second from bottom, and Pardew’s job looked as tenable as a nymphomaniac in a nunnery. Now he’s the Magpie’s saviour once again, and the Northeast is partying like it’s Easter Sunday.
Your Boss is Still an Idiot
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How Brendan Rodgers must wish for a similar change of fortunes to those of his Geordie counterpart. Unfortunately for the Northern Irishman, football is not the team game everyone makes it out to be (as The18 has categorically proven). Liverpool’s statistics for the season so far are remarkably similar to last year’s on a range of measures: possession, pass accuracy and, tellingly, chances created per game all closely mirror 2013-14. But on the only metric that really matters – goals scored – the Reds’ have racked up 25% fewer strikes than this time last year.
That’s what happens when the two players responsible for scoring half of your goals last season are either in Barcelona (Luis Suarez) or languishing on the physio’s table (Daniel Sturridge).
You know you have a striker problem when your joint top scorer is Own Goal.
What Would Roy Do?
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When your team is averaging a meagre goal every other game, and you’ve somehow managed to get yourself into a 1-0 lead, the last thing you need is to play the final 30 minutes a man down.
Spare a thought, therefore, for Aston Villa’s Christian Benteke. The striker was sent to the dressing room following a 65th minute tussle with, and subsequent bitch-slap (actually, it was a much more tender caress than that) on, Tottenham’s Ryan Mason, precipitating a late come-back by Spurs and another loss for the Villains.
All of which leads The18 to speculate what Roy Keane must have said to the young Belgian in the aftermath of Villa’s sixth Premier league defeat in a row: did he tear him a new one for such mindless ill-discipline, or instruct him on how to knock someone out properly? We’re pretty certain it was the latter.
Tiki-Taka Blah Blah Blah
"I am sick and tired of this s***." Photo: @BBCSport | Twitter
70 minutes of short passes, neat triangles, fancy flicks and nimble footwork from Arsenal produced precious little against bottom of the table Burnley. How ironic, and hopefully eye-opening for Arsene Wenger, it was to see the Gunners finally break through Sean Dyche’s human wall with a good old-fashioned lofted cross and header, swiftly followed by a one-yard toe-poke from a set-piece.
Sometimes pragmatism outweighs aesthetics.
With West Ham securing a point at Stoke on the back of a mere 40% of possession, and Newcastle beating Liverpool having seen just 35% of the ball, is it any wonder Pep Guardiola has in recent weeks been furiously distancing himself from the never-ending merry-go-round that is (or was) Tiki-Taka?
Must Try Harder
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Still, while Tiki-Taka can sometimes border on the inane, there really was some dreadful, low-scoring football on display this weekend. West Brom’s scrappy 1-0 win at Leicester courtesy of an own-goal involved less skill than a scratch card; Swansea were content to park the bus in their scoreless bore-fest at Everton; and the first half of Newcastle vs. Liverpool literally sent The18 to sleep (though we confess to having had a late night on Friday).
Please try harder next weekend, gentlemen. You’re paid to entertain us, after all.
