Shocking

It’s the end of an era more shocking than the United States’ failure to reach the World Cup. Kyle Beckerman’s horrific hair is no more. The Real Salt Lake and USMNT player cut off almost all of the one distinguishable aspect of his on-field displays. 

A lot of things can go wrong in a soccer match. Aside from the pain and suffering that accompanies losing, one’s physical well-being is constantly at risk. Injury is a part of the game, but typically it’s muscle strains, ligament tears and the occasional broken bone or concussion. Mariano Bittolo suffered an injury far more painful than anything one expects to suffer on the pitch. It may have been the most painful injury of all time.

This should have been a fun article to write. This should have been an article in which Lazio were praised and evangelized; the remarkable rehabilitation of striker Ciro Immobile after years in the wilderness; the astounding performance of manager Simone Inzaghi, only appointed after Marcelo Biesla refused to show up for work on his first day; the way in which the entire team has blown away opposition this year, propelling themselves all the way up the table and sitting, right now, level with Juventus. It should have been a fantastically positive article. 

But it’s not.

Watford captain Troy Deeney is facing a three-match ban after being retrospectively punished for his tussle with the 5’6’’ Joe Allen on Saturday. With Stoke City leading Watford 1-0 in the match’s final seconds, Deeney, who’s 6’0’’ and built like a brick sh*thouse, appeared to squish the wee Welshman’s head while cackling like a maniac.

Two Tottenham Hotspur fans who appeared in a viral video throwing urine at West Ham fans during a Carabao Cup match Wednesday have received lifetime bans, Sky Sports reported Monday.

Ever wanted to know what a locker room looks like after your favorite stars are done with it? Well, it’s a bit like learning how the sausage is made — probably something you’d rather not see. The Barcelona locker room was left a nauseating mess after the team’s 3-0 win over host Murcia in the Copa del Rey fourth-round match on Tuesday. 

In the end, Netherlands and FC Barcelona attacker Lieke Martens was the deserved recipient of 2017’s The Best FIFA Women’s Player award (an accolade presumably named by a toddler or Sepp Blatter). But the three-woman shortlist for the prize continues to flip the bird at anyone who wishes to try and make sense of it all.

Being a referee is a difficult, thankless job. No ref will ever get every call right (or wrong) but it’s always important to remember that 99.9 percent of referees are just trying to facilitate a fair match between two teams. Unfortunately these refs in New Delhi, India, were attacked for doing their job.