Shocking

Paris Saint-Germain midfielder Marco Verratti has issued an apology for his sending off against Real Madrid in the Champions League, but the Italian international isn’t entirely repentant for his actions — he’s convinced German referee Felix Brych wouldn’t have shown a second yellow card to someone like Lionel Messi in the same situation. 

With PSG trailing Real 4-1 on aggregate in the 66th minute, Verratti won possession back for his side outside the opponent’s box. However, with three Real players quickly surrounding him, Verratti lost the ball while screaming for a foul. 

The death of Davide Astori was announced on the morning of March 4. The club captain of Fiorentina, he had been expecting to take part in a run-of-the-mill away game against Udinese. Instead, every match in Serie A was postponed in the wake of the news. 

The night before, Astori had been playing videogames with the Fiorentina goalkeeper, Marco Sportiello. The next day, as the players sat down to breakfast, his absence was noted. According to coaches, the center back was typically one of the first to rise on a match day. 

“Hey, I got a hockey record. I took my skate off and tried to stab somebody. I’m the only guy who ever did that.” - Happy Gilmore

A Copa Libertadores U-20 semifinal match between Uruguay’s Club Atletico River Plate and Ecuador’s Independiente del Valle did not pass without incident yesterday. No, it did not.

Ryan Mason, aged 26, has announced his retirement from football according to a club statement from Hull City. According to the club, “Ryan has sought the guidance of numerous world renowned neurologists and neurosurgeons who have all advised that a return to competitive football is not advised.” 

Wednesday’s Copa Libertadores match between Brazil’s Chapecoense and Uruguay’s Nacional at the Arena Conda in Chapeco was marred by one of the most compelling arguments ever made for misanthropy.

We interrupt your regularly-scheduled workday to bring you an alarming development from Russian agriculture ministry crop farming department head Pyotr Chekmarev, who, at an agriculture event in Moscow, said the World Cup could be overrun by locusts this summer.

West Ham have suspended director of player recruitment Tony Henry following allegations of racism.

Per the Daily Mail, Henry is reported to have told agents West Ham were not interested in signing any African players during the January transfer window. When pressed, Henry is alleged to have admitted wanting to limit the number of African players on the team because "they have a bad attitude" and "cause mayhem" when not in the side.

Jurgen Damm is not having a good 2018. Just weeks after burning his face in a fireworks accident, the speedy Tigres winger was caught on video being escorted out of an El Pollo Loco in handcuffs.