Hat Trick

Zlatan Ibrahimovic is perhaps best known for two things: his scoring ability and his big mouth. Unsurprisingly, the two go hand in hand. Though he has a habit of making audacious, eye-roll-inducing claims about his talent, he's quick to back up his words with goals of both great beauty and frequency.

Wayne Rooney earned his first start for DC United in Major League Soccer on Saturday in Atlanta. Then Josef Martinez showed him a thing or two about how to score in this country, setting the record for most MLS hat tricks in an absurdly small number of games.

Darwin Quintero, Minnesota United’s first-ever Designated Player signing, repaid in full his $1.65 million salary by scoring the club’s maiden hat-trick in Major League Soccer. What’s more, it was the greatest hat-trick in the history of the league. I can say that because I was there — look! Here’s a picture of Michael Bradley suffering in the Fourth of July heat whilst “shielding” his backline (he was awful).

Mexico is through to the final of the prestigious Toulon Tournament, and it’s 19-year-old striker Eduardo Aguirre who’s captured the headlines in France. Only one player has managed more than two goals throughout the tournament, and that’s Aguirre — he’s got SEVEN.

Argentina began its World Cup tune-ups in earnest on Tuesday with the first of two friendlies before opening group play against Iceland on June 16. La Albiceleste welcomed Haiti to La Bombonera in Buenos Aires — a meeting between the nations currently holding spots five and 108 in the FIFA World Rankings. 

Cyle Larin is one of Canada’s bright young stars, having moved to Beşiktaş in January. But the 23-year-old striker didn’t find much playing time in Turkey, appearing just a couple times for the Black and Whites this season. But that all changed Saturday with a stunning Cyle Larin hat trick, although the last goal was kind of questionable.

Beşiktaş closed out a disappointing season against Sivasspor on Saturday at home. The winners of the last two Turkish Super Leagues, Beşiktaş finished fourth this season, missing out on a chance at the Champions League. 

A Lionel Messi hat-trick — with all three goals being assisted by Luis Suarez — and a solitary strike from Philippe Coutinho lifted Barcelona to a 4-2 victory over Deportivo on Sunday, securing the club’s 25th La Liga title with four matches still to play.

Real Madrid could yet ruin Barca’s unbeaten domestic campaign in next Sunday’s El Clasico, but a seventh La Liga title in 10 years was a fitting reward for a club that’s currently gone through 34 match days unbeaten (26 wins and 8 draws).