Game Recaps

Italy Remains An Unwatchable Dumpster Fire In Its Current State

Portugal defeated Italy 1-0 Monday at the Estadio da Luz in Lisbon to go top of UEFA Nations League Group 3 while Italy crashed to the bottom of the three-team group with only one point from two matches. The Azzurri’s worrisome 1-1 draw with Poland in Bologna last Friday served to foreshadow the day’s events: Italy mustered only two shots on target while creating absolutely nothing of note.

Sky Blue Wins, Tobin Heath Scores And Other Things To Feel Good About As The NWSL Regular Season Ends

The NWSL regular season wrapped up this past weekend with a mixed bag of business-as-usual and surprising results. All around the league, for playoff bound teams and doormats alike (we’re looking at you, Sky Blue), the level was turned up to 11, giving fans both feel-good entertainment and high quality football to get excited about heading into the postseason.

Wayne Rooney Provides One Goal, Two Assists To Deny Atlanta A Playoff Place (For Now)

Atlanta United will certainly make the playoffs on the backend of a terrific season, but D.C. United deprived Tata Martino’s side of clinching while giving its own playoff hopes a major boost by defeating the Five Stripes 3-1 in the nation’s capital. 

Wayne Rooney was again instrumental for D.C., assisting Luciano Acosta on the game’s opening goal in the 29th minute before restoring the Black-and-Red’s advantage from the spot in the 52nd. With the match in the balance, Rooney then provided another assist for Acosta in the 77th minute to secure the three points for D.C. United.

Messi Registers Unreal Solo Strike In Two-Goal, Two-Assist Performance

Barcelona moved to the top of the LaLiga table on goal difference Sunday after hammering newly promoted Huesca 8-2 at the Camp Nou. Lionel Messi registered two goals and two assists, Luis Suarez added a brace and an assist, Jordi Alba had a goal and an assist and Ivan Rakitic did the same to power the Blaugrana to the top of the table. An Ousmane Dembele strike and a Jorge Pulido own goal rounded off the eight Barcelona tallies. 

Vinicius Jr Hits A Screamer But Then Gets Eaten Alive From The Top Down

18-year-old Brazilian wunderkind Vinícius Júnior appeared in his second match for Real Madrid Castilla (Real’s reserve team) against Atletico Madrid B today. The Madrid Derby in Segunda División B (Spain’s third division) ended in a 2-2 draw with Vinícius Jr at the center of everything for Real, scoring a brace while also getting his head munched on by Atletico captain Alberto Rodriguez.

Chicharito Scores First Of The Season But Also Gets Blasted For Diving

It’s been a rough start for new boss Manuel Pellegrini and West Ham in the Premier League, where the club has opened the new campaign with three consecutive defeats, but the Hammers took a positive step forward by beating League One side AFC Wimbledon in the second round of the EFL Cup Tuesday.

Same Old Boring Spurs Players Humiliate Manchester United At Old Trafford

Tottenham’s position as the target of the Meme Lords soccersplaining fury came to an end today following a stirring 3-0 victory over Manchester United at Old Trafford. The internet will now turn its collective fury at Jose Mourinho, who — surprisingly for a 55-year-old and two-time Champions League winner — seems to be genuinely affected by the treatment he’s receiving from various hacks and the Twittersphere.  

Sorry Alex Morgan, Sam Kerr Is Far And Away The World’s Best Striker

As highlighted by her win at the 2018 ESPY Awards in the category of Best International Women’s Soccer Player, no one in the women’s game comes close to matching to consistent brilliance of Australia and Chicago Red Stars forward Sam Kerr

Gareth Bale’s Real Madrid Rolls To The Top Of LaLiga With Classy Performance

We’re only two matches into the LaLiga season and Real Madrid’s only registered wins against the sides that finished in eighth and 10th last year, but the unprovable, platitudinous cliches are already being thrown at Real: “This side plays better as a team without Cristiano Ronaldo!” and “Gareth Bale is emerging from Ronaldo’s shadow!”  

DeAndre Yedlin Goes From Hero To Zero In Four Minutes Against Chelsea

Chelsea kept pact with Liverpool and Watford at the top of the Premier League table by defeating Newcastle United 2-1 Sunday after an entirely forgettable opening 75 minutes sprang into life over the final quarter-hour.

For Newcastle supporters, the approach from Rafa Benitez harkened back to last December’s visit of Manchester City. The Magpies sat inordinately deep and ceded 81 percent of possession to the visitors while playing with five at the back and an incredibly grafting midfield pairing of Mohamed Diame and Ki Sung-Yueng. 

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