Cheap-Shot Punch To The Stomach, Karate Kick Goal And More Nonsense Feature In Concacaf Classic

Concacaf after dark is a different beast.

I’m not going to lie, it’s not easy to go from watching the Euro and Copa América finals to blanky staring at Costa Rica fight off Guadeloupe 3-1 in the Gold Cup. Concacaf’s skill level might not be that of UEFA and CONMEBOL, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t entertainment.

If you had something better to do on Monday night other than watching Costa Rica vs. Guadeloupe, then I’ll fill you in on everything you missed. 

To provide some context, Guadeloupe isn’t even a FIFA member and has only played six games in the last two years prior to Monday night. The Gwada Boys’ true purpose at the 2021 Gold Cup is to fuck around and find out.

Guadeloupe gives no fucks and that was made clear in the 54th minute when one of the team’s defenders sucker punched a Costa Rican player for the hell of it.

Guadeloupe Sucker Punch

Monday night’s game was a mess from start to finish. Costa Rica’s opening goal was about as Concacaf as it gets.

I know it’s important to support your local businesses and your local soccer confederation, but damn Concacaf doesn’t make it easy. Costa Rica bundled in its second goal in the 21st minute. Most people watching at home, all 14 of us, thought this goal meant game over.

Guadeloupe declared it would not go quietly into the night and made things interesting by scoring a karate kick goal in the 50th minute. This 50th minute goal was still in the first half due to a ludicrous amount of stoppage time.

Guadeloupe Karate Kick Goal

EVERYBODY WAS KUNG FU FIGHTING! GUADELOUPE WAS FAST AS LIGHTNING!

The sucker punch red card killed most of Guadeloupe’s momentum and Los Ticos put the game to bed with a classy finish in the 70th minute.

Did I see some of the greatest play for 90 minutes? No. Was I entertained? Absolutely.

The prestigious Gold Cup continues on Tuesday with two more games. Honduras will play Grenada while Panama faces the country that uses slavery to build World Cup stadiums. 

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