Halloween Special: Liverpool Murders Manchester United 5-0 At Old Trafford

After watching Halloween Kills on Saturday, I can say with total conviction that Ole Gunnar Solskjær and Manchester United offered something much more horrific and spine-tingling on Sunday when capitulating to a 5-0 defeat to Liverpool at Old Trafford.

The absurdity of people who should really know better going after Michael Myers with a baseball bat? Try watching Harry Maguire and Victor Lindelöf playing together. The gore of Myers kicking a car door when about to be shot at, causing the shooter to redirect the gun on themselves? How about Paul Pogba (on at halftime) attempting to break Naby Keïta’s leg with his side trailing by five goals?

And if you thought the ending of Halloween Kills was shit, how about the comedy of Cristiano Ronaldo’s effort being chalked off for offside? Or United then transitioning into a 5-3-1 for the game’s final half-hour while Liverpool toyed with the home side? 

The Theater of Dreams really became a Theater of Nightmares for Solskjær, and it was Mohamed Salah who took the slasher’s role with three goals and one assist. After finishing above Liverpool last season and spending lavishly in the summer window, it looks like United needs more than a manager who’s main tactic, to continue the analogy, is to drone on about how great the 1978 Halloween was while delivering shit that goes straight-to-streaming on Peacock. 

Manchester United Vs. Liverpool 5-0 Highlights       

5th minute: Liverpool easily plays through United’s press, and Salah slips through Keïta for the opener. 1-0. 

13th minute: Keïta plays it wide to Trent Alexander-Arnold, who drives a low cross for Diogo Jota to finish. 2-0.  

38th minute: A deflection falls for Keïta out wide, and he picks out Salah six yards from goal. 3-0.   

45+5’: Jota finds Salah. 4-0.  

50th minute: Jordan Henderson’s incredible ball releases Salah for his hat-trick. 5-0. 

51st minute: Sir Alex Ferguson reacts.

52nd minute: Ronaldo pulls one back? Nope. Offside.

61st minute: Pogba is sent off.

65th minute: Old Trafford empties.

Liverpool moves to second-place with the win, one point behind Chelsea. Manchester United is in seventh, behind West Ham, Brighton and Spurs.

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